


Marius LePual Did Not Sign Up For This

by Awesome_Sauce432



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: All Of These Tags Will Be Relevant, Chaos-Adjacent, Conspiracy Theories, Drunken Shenanigans, Fake Funerals, Friendship, Gambling, Gen, Guessing Character Backstories And Being Very Wrong, I do not know a lot about ships, Just Marius and the gang trying to survive working for the Mighty Nein, Marius Slowly Realising He Likes The Mighty Nein, No One Knows How To Say LePual, Orly's speech patterns kill me, The Crew Loves Caduceus, The Difference Between Kidnapped Crew And Ride Or Die Is Stockholm Syndrome Maybe, The Mistake and its Crew, Their antics fuel the confusion, While Simultaneously Being Confused And Slightly Terrified Of Them, lots of swearing, slighty cracky, the M9 are mostly background characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-09-20 04:21:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 27,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17015631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awesome_Sauce432/pseuds/Awesome_Sauce432
Summary: Marius LePual's life was not that exciting. The operative word being 'was'.Now he's stuck with seven people that attacked him, nearly burnt down a ship, killed all but one of its crew, and basically pressganged him to work on said ship. He, along with the other members of this crew kidnapped and hired, are faced with a very difficult task.Survive working for the Mighty Nein with their lives, sanity and paycheck intact.





	1. Marius LePual Did Not Sign Up For This

**Author's Note:**

> come scream at me on tumblr at @idonthaveanyurlideas

Marius LePual’s life had never been boring. It had never been particularly _exciting_ , but it had never been boring. Growing up in Nicodranas meant that almost every day he could walk down to the docks, watch ships come in and leave, listen to stories from a few sailors who didn’t mind a few children following them around for an hour or two. He got a job as a deliveryman for a local store and soon realised that he was actually quite good at it.

 

He knew the streets well, he kept his head down, and he was efficient. Simple delivery jobs slowly became a little more far-reaching, a little more dangerous, but still nothing he couldn’t handle. He gained a reputation for being reliable and easy to deal with, and he worked hard to maintain that reputation.

 

Finding a strange orb that looks like an eye was another simple job, albeit for sketchy employers. Even though he didn’t find it, it was no skin off his back, though it did mean not getting paid and the loss of his time. But nothing worse than that. He could just hand back the money and be on his way, out looking for another contract the next morning.

 

Then the ship he was supposed to meet got slaughtered, set on fire, and he got kidnapped by a bunch of fucking lunatics, most of whom seemed to have never stepped foot on a ship in their entire lives.

 

Marius LePaul’s life had suddenly got a lot more exciting. And terrifying.

 

Mostly terrifying.

 

“Fuck.” Gallan, the only remaining original member of The Mist (now christened The Mistake, which Marius silently found highly appropriate) was sitting opposite him, chugging a mug of whiskey that had been buried in the cargo hold somewhere. The back of his head was still crusted with dried blood, an ugly and only mostly faded scar showing where an  _axe of all things_ had been buried into it.

 

He was the only person aboard this ship who wasn’t one of the crazy people that had taken it over, so Marius considered him his only ally.

 

“You said it.” He grumbled, pouring some whiskey of their own. Most of the usurpers had left to find more crew members, but Marius and Gallan had been instructed to stay behind. Gallan so that he could finish repairs and Marius… well, who knew. Marius suspected it was because the lunatics didn’t want him to have a chance to run away.

 

Probably wise. If Marius had been allowed to step foot on shore, he would’ve been gone as soon as they looked away. But now he was stuck.

 

“Does stuff like this happen often to you guys?” Marius asked, squinting at Gallan. He knew that his now-deceased employers had been doing vaguely illegal things for a maybe (definitely) pirate named Avantika, but he’d never asked for specifics beyond that. Details were dangerous in his line of work, and plausible deniability could be the difference between getting arrested or getting a warning about being careful who he associated with.

 

“No. Definitely not stuff like this.” Gallan said, looking at him with an empathetic look. It was a face that very much said ‘we’re both fucked’.

 

“Do you think they’ll pay us?”

 

“I should hope so.” Gallan grumbled, scratching the back of his head and flinching. “Least they could do after nearly killing me.”

 

“Should we ask?”

 

“Do you want to?”

 

Marius winced. “They’re insane.”

 

“Yup.”

 

“We’re gonna die.”

 

Gallan didn’t say anything to that, making a strange face before gulping down what was left in his mug.

 

“I feel sorry for whoever they end up hiring.” Marius rambled, talking just for the sake of talking. With most of the repairs finished up and not much to do but avoid their… captors? He had basically been kidnapped. Yeah, captors, that’s what they were, he was left with very few distractions. It wasn’t like he knew anything about running a ship either. “They have no idea how crazy these people are.”

 

Gallan just poured himself out more whiskey, looking very disappointed when only half his mug was filled by what remained.

 

“They ripped my shirt.” Marius whimpered, poking at the sad remains of his nice shirt. He’d spent so much money on it, wanting to have something nice to wear when he completed jobs. Appearances were very important, and now it was ruined. He looked like a hobo. “The human girl punched me like fifty times.”

 

“They’ve got a goblin with them. How did they find a goblin that isn’t killing them?” Gallan said.

 

“I don’t even  _know_ what the big cowman is. I didn’t know cow people existed.” Marius leaned forwards, smacking his face on the table.

 

“That tall girl has such a big sword.” Gallan’s voice was quiet, his eyes staring straight down into his mug, almost shell-shocked.

 

“Who needs a sword that big?” Marius, on the other hand, was practically whining. But fuck it, he deserved a good vent. This had been probably the shittiest day of his life.

 

“I think the blue girl painted a dick on the ship when she renamed it. Why did she feel the need to do that?”

 

“I saw one of them make a cat disappear and reappear with a snap on his fingers? That’s freaky!”

 

“The green guy teleported. How did he do that?”

 

“We are so fucked.” Marius groaned.

 

“We are so fucked.” Gallan repeated, sighing.

 

There was a small commotion above deck, voices and the sound of feet hitting wood and… bagpipes? Marius and Gallan glanced at each other, both finishing off their drinks and silently hoping they could just stay below while simultaneously knowing that probably wasn’t an option.

 

Groaning in unison, both of them stood up, chairs squeaking against the wood as they made their way above deck, leaving their mugs on the table to clean later.

 

Sure enough, the lunatics had returned, with five poor souls in tow, completely oblivious to what they’d just signed up for. The green dude - who Marius was pretty sure was named Ford or something - spoke to each of them, grinning and shaking hands with a tortle - oh that was Orly. Thank fuck, someone he knew. That also explained the bagpipes.

 

The four other people were unfamiliar. Two of them, a boy and a girl looked very alike, probably cousins if not siblings. The girl was slightly taller and seemed a few years older, both of them looking vaguely elvish, though the boy's ears were far pointier, his face a little longer and sharper. Both of them were fair-skinned with wavy red hair, and the boy had freckles while the girl did not.

 

One of the others was a dwarf, short and stout with his mouth seemingly permanently stuck in a half-sneer, with medium-brown skin, scruffy black hair and brown eyes that looked over the ship critically. The final person was a human woman, looking only a few years over twenty, with dark brown skin and light strawberry blonde hair tied up in a messy ponytail. She looked rather bored, probably under the impression that this would be a simple job.

  
Sadly for them, they had passed the point of no return.

 

“Oh hey, are you two the other members of the crew?” The female redhead bounded up to Marius and Gallan, after shaking hands with everyone else who would accept one from her. The male followed behind her, a little shyer but not looking nearly as uncomfortable as Marius felt.

 

“We are. Gallan Westman.” Gallan said, his voice flat as he shook hands with her. “I’m the… first mate. I think.”

 

“Elise Jennadin! This is my brother Fass.” She grabbed the arm of the boy, pulling him forwards. “We weren’t hired for anything specific, but we’re happy to do anything that needs done!”

 

“You’ve got experience?” Gallan asked.

 

“Yup, five years of it for me, and three for Fass.” Elise said, smiling so brightly Marius felt even more sorry for her.

 

“Thank the gods.”

 

“Oookay… hey, what’s your name?” Elise turned to Marius, sticking out a hand for him to shake.

 

He took it. “Marius LePual. Nice to meet you.”

 

“Marius LePaul?”

 

“No, LePual.”

 

“LePwal?”

 

“LePual.”

 

“LePorl?”

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

“Hey, where're our quarters?” The other woman walked towards them, her arms folded. “The captain said you know where they are.”

 

“The captain doesn’t know where they are?” Fass asked. The dwarf plodded up behind them, not saying anything yet but paying attention.

 

“The captain only became captain of this ship very recently. Very, very recently.” Marius said, barely managing to keep a pleasant expression on his face. Under his breath, he muttered, "And very, very violently." 

 

The dark-skinned woman just nodded slowly, not looking the least bit concerned. “Cool. Whatever. Where're my quarters?”

 

“I’ll show you.” Gallan said. “What about the tortle?”

 

“He’s the navigator, I think the Captain wanted to discuss things with him.” The woman said.

 

“Alright, I’ll catch up with him later.” Gallan said. “Follow me.”

 

“Out of curiosity, where did those guys say we were going?” Marius asked. He hadn’t asked where his kidnappers intended to take them, but he did want to know. Just so he could mentally prepare himself.

 

“I think Port Zoon.” Elise said. “Though they said they might change course.”

 

“I don’t think they know where they’re going at all.” The dark-skinned woman said, shrugging. “But I don’t care, as long as they pay me.”

 

“They seem kinda weird.” Fass mumbled.

 

Marius and Gallan both laughed sharply.

 

“You have no idea.” Marius said, snickering. “They’re insane.”

 

“Great.” The dwarf mumbled.

 

“They seem nice to me!” Elise said, smiling brightly.

 

“Give it a couple days.” Gallan said, grimacing.

 

“By that way, what are the names of you two?” Marius asked, glancing at the dark-skinned woman and the dwarf. If he was lucky he could just stick with these people.

 

“Sallo. I’m a carpenter, though they told me one of yous is also one so…” The dwarf said, folding his arms and squinting.

 

Gallan raised a hand. “Yeah, that would be me. But I also got… promoted in a way. I think a second carpenter will be necessary.”

 

“Really? How come?” Fass asked, his eyes widening.

 

“The people who hired you are very destructive.” Marius said.

 

“What?” Elise asked, gawking.

 

“It’s a long story.” Gallan said, sighing, before looking towards the dark-skinned woman. “What about you?”

 

“Daennol. You can call me Nol.” She said. “I’m a barrel-keeper.”

 

“Well, it’s nice to have you all aboard.” Gallan said, gesturing towards a door that led to the crews quarters. “Hopefully… it will be a good experience.”

 

“You don’t seem very certain.” Sallo said, squinting at them.

 

“No. I’m not.” Gallan said bluntly. “Like I said, long story.”

 

“We’ll have to tell you over dinner.” Marius said. The four sailors looked at them suspiciously, before going inside their new quarters to settle in.

 

Once the door closed, Marius and Gallan headed above deck. The lunatics were busy congratulating themselves on a job well done, the blue-skinned tiefling reenacting a story that they had apparently spread at the docks, pretending to stab herself and call out for some sea god lover, falling dramatically into the arms of the unprepared fireball wizard person, both of them nearly collapsing to the deck. Orly was talking to the green guy (who Marius supposed was the captain now) while the others watched the tiefling, giggling and encouraging her.

 

“We’re so fucked.” Gallan said, both of them standing in the doorway.

 

“We’re so _fucked_.” Marius nodded simply in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kdjghskertkjhrab rip Marius, rip Gallan, rip the rest of this crew.


	2. He Didn't Sign Up For Anything At All, Actually

The Mistake had not been designed for fourteen people. It was a simple runners ship, made for quick journeys, created so that eight people could probably be enough to run the entire thing without a problem. 

 

They had plenty of supplies, so that wasn’t something they needed to worry about at least. Crew quarters were cramped, but all the sailors were at least relatively used to that, and Marius - the only non-sailor among the crew - didn’t feel like complaining. They could survive.

 

However, what quickly became apparent - though it had already been obvious to Marius and Gallan - was that their employers were completely stupid and no idea of how to run a boat. 

 

Apparently they were called the Mighty Nein, which Marius thought was dumb. First of all, they didn’t seem very  _ mighty _ . Idiotic, more like. Second of all, there was only seven of them. Elise was the only one who spoke up to ask about that second issue, receiving about three exasperated ‘It’s not  _ that _ kind of Nein!’s and one quiet ‘It’s Zemnian.’ as an explanation. 

 

As a general rule, Marius did not trust a group whose name required an explanation to understand. 

 

He still wasn’t quite sure as to where they were headed. Another thing the Mighty Nein were shit at. Communication. 

 

For the first few days at sea, everyone began to settle in, and the new crew members slowly realised that they might have signed up for something slightly different to what they were expecting. Captain Fjord (or Tusktooth, or whatever he introduced himself as, only to be referred to as Fjord by every other member of his party about three minutes later) had a modicum of experience on a ship, but he was obviously unused to being in charge of one, tending to delegate the day to day running of The Mistake to Gallan and Orly. 

 

Gallan was also obviously not used to running a ship, but he did his best. Orly - who was far calmer than Marius felt any of them had any right to be - handled the navigating, enlisting Elise to be a helmsman, keeping the ship headed in the right direction. Nol was assigned to be in charge of inventory along with her regular barrel-making skills, and Sallo finished off any repairs that Gallan had deemed a low priority before.

 

Fass spent most of his time climbing the ropes as a lookout, though he found himself often having to deal with the small goblin girl (Not? Nott? What kind of name was Nott?) climbing up to shoot at birds and kicking him out, leaving him to stand awkwardly on deck and wait for her to come back down. 

 

Marius did anything he could find to keep busy. He would’ve probably liked to be a cook, but Caduceus - who he did find to be quite nice and not completely bonkers - had taken over that role, and was very good at it. So instead he bustled around the ship, helping the others if they needed it, climbing up the ropes to adjust the sails or anything else that needed to be done.

 

His whole group - The Normal Seven, as he mentally described them, which was a far better name - tended to stay away from the Mighty Nein and whatever the fuck they spent their time doing. Caduceus was fine if vague and odd-looking (and had also offered to help Marius cut and run if he had to, which was nice), but Marius did see him leaning over the side and talking to the fish at some point, so he wasn’t sure how reliable or sane he was. Fjord was alright beyond his obvious ineptitude as a captain and his inability to tell the rest of the crew what the fuck was going on. He sometimes seemed exasperated with the rest of his party, which was a good sign, but then other times he was just as insane as the rest of them, so Marius didn’t know what to think about that. 

 

The big, tall, pale woman, Yasha, was usually very quiet, and she spent a lot of time above deck, happily holding ropes or carrying barrels around. Marius probably would have considered her one of the more normal ones, but she also carried a huge greatsword around everywhere she went, so he didn’t. She didn’t talk to a lot of them, and even the other members of her party almost seemed to forget she was there sometimes, blending into the background. It was slightly unnerving. 

 

The scruffy human with a scarf, Caleb, was also quiet, though not as much as Yasha. He tended to stay below deck in his quarters most of the time, emerging for meals or for group discussions and sometimes wandering around with Nott, who he seemed to spend a lot of time with. He was also the one who could make fire, so Marius stayed far away from him. 

 

The other human of the group, Beau, was loud, and obviously very used to fighting. Barely a day into the trip she was becoming visibly bored, complaining about there being nothing to do and openly wishing for something to punch. Marius stayed  _ very  _ far away from her. 

 

Jester, the blue-skinned tiefling, was the most overtly friendly of the whole group, and also one of the only ones to go around and actively try to get to know the hired members of the crew. She passed around pamphlets for some trickster god that she followed - Marius would have dumped his as soon as she was gone, but was slightly afraid the trickster god would go after him, so he just stuffed it under his pillow and forgot about it. She was nice, at least.

 

Then there was Nott, who was probably the most unnerving of the group simply because she was a goblin. But she seemed  _ mostly  _ harmless, and soon everyone got used to seeing her skulking around. 

 

Separately, they were all… fine. He could handle them. But as a group, they seemed to bring out a strange chaotic energy. 

 

“Then Caleb set the boat on fire.” Gallan said. The Normal Seven were sitting for lunch, two days after leaving Nicodranas. The food was, at the very least, delicious. It was probably the only good thing about this whole thing, or at least the only thing that kept them from mutiny on the grounds of incompetence.

 

Everyone but Marius reacted with suitably shocked expressions. Elise’s mouth hung open and Fass looked about ready to faint, while Sallo muttered about scorch marks on the hull of the boat. 

 

“On  _ fire? _ ” Fass squeaked. At seventeen, he was the youngest of them all, and Marius felt sorry for him. Still, he had his sister looking out for him, and Gallan and Orly kept an eye on them all anyway. 

 

Gallan nodded solemnly. “On fire.” He had finally started telling the story of how the Mighty Nein came into command of the ship formerly known as The Mist, after Elise had asked about it. 

 

“Caleb doesn’t look like someone who sets boats on fire.” Fass said, holding his face in his hands. 

 

“That’s the thing about arsonists.” Nol said, unscrewing a flask and looking probably the least surprised of them all. “They look just like anyone else.” 

 

“I didn’t know h-he was a m-m-magic-user.” Orly drawled, stroking his chin. 

 

“Oh, like seventy percent of them are magic users. I think Beau, Nott and Yasha are the only ones I  _ didn’t _ see using magic at some point.” Gallan said. 

 

“I saw Nott making a rat fly around yesterday.” Elise said. “It was weird.”

 

“Beau and Yasha then. They’re the only ones who can’t use magic.” Gallan amended, tapping a finger on the table to make his point.

 

“That’s kinda cool.” Elise said. “I mean, we’re working for a whole bunch of magic users!”

 

“Did you miss the part where they attacked my ship and killed everyone else in my crew? And nearly killed me?”

 

“Well, you said you guys attacked them first.” Nol said bluntly.

 

“You did.” Marius said, leaning backward in his chair. “And you were all pirates.” 

 

Gallan sighed, scowling and running a hand through his hair. “...You’re not wrong.” 

 

“I still think it’s cool.” Elise said. “Like, who knows what kind of cool shit they could do!”

 

“Who knows how many different ways they could kill us.” Nol said, seeming to take a small satisfaction from the way Fass and Elise both stiffened at that thought, and how Gallan and Marius groaned. 

 

“I doubt they’ll kill us. They’d be fucked if they did.” Sallo said. “They’d sink the ship in three hours.”

 

“Nonsense. Half an hour at the very most.” Nol said dryly, taking a sip from her flask. 

 

“I could be at home right now. Eating some roast and not worrying about being stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean with a bunch of crazy people.” Fass said, face-planting on the table. After a few moments, Elise began to pat his shoulder. 

 

“Don’t worry. At least you’re getting paid.” Marius said.

 

“You’re n-n-not getting paid?” Orly asked, raising his eyebrows (well, more like weird flabs of skin above his eyes, before tortles didn’t really have eyebrows).

 

Marius shrugged. “Gallan and I basically got press-ganged. We didn’t think it wise to start negotiating our salary.” 

 

They fell into a short silence, everyone glancing around at each other and at the boat. 

 

“W-well…” Orly cleared his throat. “It s-s-should only be a day or two before… we can head home.” 

 

“Yeah, why are we going to the reef?” Elise asked.

 

“I heard they were meeting someone.” Sallo asked, and Orly nodded.

 

“Some… captain friend of theirs.” He said. Gallan noticeably winced, looking at Marius, who grimaced.

 

“Avantika.” They said at the same time, before burying their faces in their hands. Oh Moonweaver help them. 

 

“Who’s Avantika?” Fass asked, looking very much like he didn’t want to ask, but was more afraid of the uncertainty of not knowing.

 

“She’s a pirate captain.” Gallan said. “My old captain worked for her. She was supposed to meet  _ us  _ at the reef.”

 

There was another short silence, and lots of open mouths.

 

“You’ve got to be bloody joking.” Sallo said. Next to him, Nol took a very large swig from her flask. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont mind me im just.... crying in the club about Episode 46.... kdfghrhgbsjhbvjsrgshjfdbskfhsjh
> 
> Anyway back to this story:  
> Uhhhhh I am fukin FLOORED??/ I had no idea people would like this so much????? I'm absolutely shook??? Y'all don't need to worry, I've written chapters up until about the equivalent of Episode 44/45, and I plan to keep going but I didn't know there was such an audience for Marius and the gang tryin to survive their job, lmao. I hope I don't let y'all down lmao. 
> 
> I currently plan to release chapters about every 4 days, so that hopefully we'll get through the Christmas break before I run out of my buffer and then I'll have more content to draw upon but we'll see how it goes. As it stands now, I'm gonna keep writing until the Mighty Nein stop being pirates, or the whole crew dies. Hopefully that latter thing doesn't happen because I really love this crew now.
> 
> Also, Orly's speech patterns murder me. Up until Critical Role, I'd never even HEARD of a Cajun accent so uhhhh I have basically no idea how to translate that into text?? In short: i am so sorry if Orly's lines sound weird, it's because he's a goddamn mystery to me but I love him.


	3. Being A Pirate Was Not On His Bucket List

Sadly for them all, things couldn’t stay quiet until they got to Avantika. No. Some fucking harpies had to attack them. Sallo and Nol nearly got literally carted off by some of them, but thankfully the Mighty Nein had managed to save them, and all of them had huddled below deck until the fighting was over. That was two things the Mighty Nein was good for, Marius supposed. Killing things, and making good food. That second thing was mostly just Caduceus though.

 

Caduceus had quickly become the favourite of the Mighty Nein to them all. He made blintzes for them after the harpy attack, and they were delicious. Marius hadn’t even known what blintzes were, but Caduceus made them well. He also made weird ass mushrooms and moss grow out of dead harpies, but his food was so good Marius could overlook that. Most of the food he made was vegetarian too, and just that was enough for Marius to declare Caduceus the only saving grace among their employers. 

 

So Caduceus was fine. Everyone else? Still crazy. 

 

Caduceus’ standing amongst the seven of them only grew even higher when the firbolg came down to offer healing after the harpy attack, though luckily both Nol and Sallo had only minor injuries. Still, the fact that he’d offered at all was nice, and none of them but Gallan had really experienced much healing magic themselves, so they were all interested to see it up close. 

 

“Wow.” Elise said, gaping as the scratch marks on Nol’s shoulder seemed to vanish, her skin stitching itself together and leaving nothing but dried blood behind. “Healing magic is cool.” 

 

“It is.” Caduceus said, a small smile on his face as he double-checked his work before straightening up, satisfied. 

 

“So much cooler than being blown up by fire magic.” Gallan said, a little prickly and standing a few feet away from the rest of them. 

 

“Yes, that was unfortunate.” Caduceus said, cringing ever so slightly. “That incident at the docks was… not what we intended.”

 

“Oh, we know.” Marius said, shivering a little at the memory. 

 

“When Gallan and Marius told us what happened, we thought you were all insane.” Elise said, seemingly with no concept of tact or keeping her mouth shut. “But you’re actually really cool.” 

 

“Ah, thank you?” Caduceus said, one of his ears twitching. 

 

“The rest of your buddies are still loco.” Nol said, not about to let Elise convince Caduceus that they were a fan of this whole situation. “I don’t know how you stand them.” 

 

Caduceus shrugged. “I suppose I just roll with what comes. They do mean well. In a way.” 

 

With that, satisfied that all healing had been completed and none of them were about to drop dead from fright or anything, Caduceus left the rest of them.

 

“He didn’t deny they were crazy.” Sallo pointed out, running a hand over his now completely healed arms. 

 

\------------------

 

A day or two after that they’d finally arrived at the reef. Marius was convinced Orly was the only reason they didn’t run aground, and even then, they got a damn hole in the ship that nearly gave them all a heart attack. Caleb made some kind of weird ass magic orb that stopped the water while Gallan and Sallo patched it up, and at this point Marius could barely muster the energy to be surprised at the new kinds of magic. He was just thankful they weren’t going to sink. 

 

Then they’d found Avantika’s ship. 

 

So they were all pirates now.

 

Apparently. 

 

Who knew it was that easy to become pirates? Just hitch a ride with a bunch of dumbasses who are off searching for some random pirate captain. Nearly sink the ship along the way. Pretend to be someone completely different to who you actually are, lie to said random pirate captain’s face with absolutely no self-awareness. Boom. Now you and all of your crew are pirates. 

 

Marius still had no idea how the fuck they’d managed to not get killed on sight. 

 

Thankfully, all seven of the Mighty Nein had moved over to Avantika’s ship, which was far bigger and more menacing than The Mistake, and left the rest of them in peace. A couple pirates from Avantika’s ship had also moved over (including a goddamn ogre, as if a goblin wasn’t crazy enough), probably to keep an eye on them, but somehow they were far more tolerable than the Mighty Nein. 

 

They were more predictable at the very least. Don’t piss them off and you won’t get skewered on a sword. Easy. 

 

So things were calm on The Mistake. The ship was still damaged, beyond what Gallan and Sallo could fix in just a few days, so everyone was kept busy trying to stop the damn thing from sinking. While they were doing that, apparently the Mighty Nein, Avantika, and some random from Avantika’s ship went off to a nearby creepy jungle island called Urukayxl? For who knows what reason?

 

Marius was glad he had an instinctive aversion to poking his nose where it didn’t belong, because it seemed that they had neglected to explain to anyone what they were doing and why, and he at least was quite happy with not knowing. A few of the others, who were obviously used to having far more information while working, were going nearly mad at the uncertainty. 

 

“I heard that guy from the Squalleater say there were lizard people on that island!” Elise said, holding a plank in place over the hole in the hull next to Marius while Sallo nailed it in. She’d interacted with the pirates the most, seemingly just in the hunt for gossip and information.

 

“Good gods.” Marius muttered. “Why the fuck would they go to an island with lizard people?”

 

“Perhaps they have a death wish.” Sallo said. 

 

“Ooh, I hope they don’t get hurt.” Elise said, looking nervous. “Do you think they’ll get hurt?” 

 

“If they run into lizard people, yes.” Marius said.

 

“If they die, who’s gonna pay us?” Sallo asked.

 

“If they die, I’m getting Gallan to turn this ship around so we can go home.” Marius said bluntly. 

 

“I don’t want them to die.” Elise said, sighing. “I kinda like them.”

 

“When we were navigating here, I heard Fjord say, and I quote ‘We’re going to ground this ship. We’re going straight to the beach and we’re going to run our asses into the fucking jungle.’.” Marius said, staring directly at Elise.

 

She paused. “Look, I’m not denying they’re crazy… But I still like them. They saved us from harpies and everything.”

 

“They’re not crazy.” Sallo said, rolling his eyes. “You know what I think? I think it’s like a bunch of rich kids who got kicked out of the house for mooching off their parents too much. They got no clue how shit is  _ supposed  _ to work, but they figure captaining a ship can’t be too hard, right?” 

 

“That’s oddly specific.” Marius said. “And also doesn’t account for all the magic. And killing.”

 

Sallo scoffed and shrugged his shoulders, going back to hammering. 

 

“Fass thinks they’re criminals.” Elise said. “Or they escaped from like, a mental asylum.”

 

“That sounds a lot more likely.” Marius said. “I would not be surprised at either option.” 

 

At that moment, Nol came racing into the room where the three of them were doing repairs, her eyes wide. “The Nein are coming back! There’s snake and lizard people everywhere on the beach!”

 

She raced away, and after a few seconds to process that, Marius and Elise let go of the plank, which barely held its position thanks to the nails Sallo had already put in it. Both of them ran after Nol, not waiting to see if Sallo would follow, bolting above deck to the side of the boat.

 

They were a fair distance away from shore, but close enough to see a small group of people frantically paddling in a couple of rowboats, as dozens of monstrous-looking figures chased after them, throwing spears or fighting each other. There was a thunderous noise as The Squalleater fired cannon after cannon, the crew of The Mistake watching with slack jaws. 

 

“Well. It seems they survived.” Gallan said, sounding almost disappointed. 

 

“You owe me five copper, Sallo.” Nol said, smirking and holding out a hand in front of Sallo as he arrived on deck. 

 

“Hey, it’s still possible  _ some  _ of them died.” Sallo said, folding his arms. 

 

“Is it wise to be… b-betting on the fates of our employers?” Orly asked, squinting at the two of them. 

 

Nol and Sallo both shrugged. “Gotta deal with this bullshit somehow.” Nol said, winking.

 

“Sounds fun. I’ll join that action.” Marius said. “I bet they all survived, because the gods want to torture us a little longer.” 

 

“I bet everything went really well!” Elise said. “What about you Fass?”

 

“I bet… I bet they fought a bunch of lizard people.” Fass said, his eyes wide as he watched the small rowboats slowly approach The Squalleater, now safely out of range of the lizard and snake people. 

 

“That’s not what we’re betting about.” Nol said. “We’re just betting on whether they survived.” 

 

“I agree with Marius. They’re too powerful to die.” Gallan said. 

 

“Maybe they’re actually demons, just trying to fuck with us.” Nol said, narrowing her eyes at the rowboats.

 

“Yeah nah, Jester follows that travelling god, right? Demons don’t follow gods.” Sallo said. 

 

“Maybe they’re from the Feywild. I heard people from the Feywild do crazy stuff!” Elise said, seemingly hoping to just be included in the conversation.

 

“Nah, at least one of them’s from the Shadowrealm. Probably Fjord.” Sallo said.

 

“Fjord? What the hell makes you think  _ Fjord’s  _ from the Shadowrealm?” Nol asked, and Sallo just shrugged.

 

“Summoned a sword from nothing, he fought with those creepy ass powers when he killed all of Gallan’s people. I’m just sayin, it’s a possibility.” Sallo folded his arms. 

 

“I think they’re just crazy.” Fass murmured, so quiet Marius could barely hear. 

 

He rolled his eyes, listening to the speculation, glancing back towards the rowboats. Then he did a double-take. As he watched, the water itself seemed to bulge, shifting and rising in a way that was obviously unnatural.

 

Oh for fucks sake-

 

“Guys!” He said, catching everyone's attention and pointing towards the boat, which began to be literally speeded forward by a bulge of water, pushing it quickly towards The Squalleater and leaving the other boat in its wake. 

 

“Water magic? They’re doing water magic now?” Gallan asked, disbelief plain in his voice. Orly whistled lowly.

 

“I-I-I must say… they have a lot of s-surprises.” He said, scratching the top of his head. 

 

They all stared as the first rowboat reached The Squalleater, the other still forlornly making its way, rocking in the ripples of the strange burst of water magic. 

 

“That’s it, I’m gonna go get drunk. This is insane.” Nol said, spinning on her heel and stomping down below deck, undoubtedly heading to the storeroom. No wonder their alcohol stores had been depleting so quickly, even though Nol insisted nothing strange had happened to it. Perhaps it hadn’t been wise to put her in charge of inventory.

 

There was a short silence after Nol left, as the rest of them processed what just happened. 

 

“So…” Sallo said. “Who wants to bet on which one of them did that?” 

 

Five different voices answered in quick succession, with even Orly participating.

 

“Jester, definitely.”

 

“...Caleb.” 

 

“Fjord.”

 

“I also think Jester.”

 

“Beau.”

 

They all looked towards Elise, who threw her hands up helplessly. “What? She wears blue and I think it’s unfair that she’s one of the only ones not to have magic! It would be so cool if it was her…” 

 

“I’m gonna go find Nol.” Marius said, shaking his head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marius: stop doing crazy shit or SO HELP ME I'LL TURN THIS BOAT AROUND 
> 
> Merry Christmas Everyone!!! Or happy boxing day if you're in a Cool Future Timezone like me.


	4. But This Is What His Life Is Now, Apparently

Sadly, all of them turned out to be wrong. Avantika was the one who had water powers now, and Marius almost felt a little disappointed, though he wasn’t sure why. He supposed he was just getting used to the Mighty Nein and their wacky skills, so getting some more would be kinda fun. Maybe Avantika was already scary enough, and she didn’t need magic powers on top of that. 

 

Whatever it is, it meant none of them had to pay out for their bet at the very least. 

 

The Mighty Nein stayed on The Squalleater, which left Marius and the rest of them to mostly just do their jobs and keep The Mistake running, with the help of a few of Avantika’s people, who hadn’t actually done much once the ship had been more or less repaired. 

 

It was relaxing in a way, and Marius felt almost detached from the craziness for a few days, as they all stood and watched as the Mighty Nein boarded another random ship and stole who knows what from it. Somehow literal piracy ranked pretty low on the list of crazy things, and it was shocking how quickly his standards had risen. 

 

On the other hand, having not much happen meant the crew had a lot more time to process exactly how crazy everything else had been. And think up plenty of theories as to who exactly their employers are.

 

“What the fuck?” Waldark, one of Avantika’s crew members, said. He was sitting on deck, as Elise detailed her theory that Yasha was actually a tourist from a vague nondescript place who didn’t speak Common very well, and had accidentally ended up with the Mighty Nein and was too shy to admit she didn’t know what was happening, and that obviously made perfect sense.

 

“Just think about it!” Elise said. “She’s really quiet, she looks super different to everyone else, and she’s always standing around like she doesn’t really know what to do.”

 

“Maybe she’s just awkward.” Gallan pointed out. All of them, the seven members of The Normal Seven and Waldark were sitting on deck, discussing this. 

 

“I have heard her s-s-speak Common multiple times.” Orly said. 

 

“Yeah, but did she say a lot? Did she talk for very long? Or was it only short sentences?” Elise said, her eyes narrowed. 

 

“Fuck, I think you’re onto something.” Sallo said, stroking his chin.

 

“I think this ties into my assassin/spy theory.” Nol spoke up. “She’s so awkward because she doesn’t know how to act when she’s  _ not  _ spying or killing people!” 

 

Marius stood there, dumbfounded. Not because the theory was so ridiculous, but that if it were true, he  _ wouldn’t even be that surprised _ . At this point, they could say anything about the Mighty Nein and there was a chance it could be true. 

 

“Woah, woah, hang on.” Waldark said, holding up a hand. “What about the others? What do you think about the others?”

 

The crew members glanced between each other, their eyes lighting up. Oh, they had  _ so  _ many theories. It was the only thing that kept them sane. 

 

“Caleb’s an arsonist wizard.”

 

“Or he used to be a really famous wizard, but then he fell from grace and now he’s a hobo.” 

 

“Nott was abandoned on the side of the road as a baby and one of them picked her up and that’s why there’s a goblin with them and they haven’t killed each other!”

 

“Caduceus is psychic. He can stare into your  _ soul _ .” 

 

“Beau’s super gay.”

 

“Nol, that’s not a theory, we saw her smack Yasha’s ass like four days ago.” 

 

“Yeah, I’m just saying. Also, she’s super hot. So is Yasha.”

 

“Jester may or may not actually be from the Feywild, and her trickster god is actually her Feywild archfey dad who couldn’t cross into the Material Plane with her, but still helps her out somehow.” 

 

“Same story, except the trickster god isn’t her  _ literal  _ dad, just her sugar daddy.” 

 

“Ooh, Jester’s hot too.” 

 

“Also she totally blew up a building in Nicodranas.” 

 

“Fjord may also be from the Feywild. He can make a sword out of  _ nothing _ . Either that or the Shadowrealm.” 

 

“I don’t think his last name is really Tusktooth. He doesn’t have any tusks.” 

 

“Fjord’s pretty hot as well.”

 

“They’re  _ all  _ hot, Nol.”

 

“Even Nott?”

 

“Okay, she’s not hot, she’s cute. There’s a difference. Like Elise and Fass. Fass is cute, but Elise is hot. I wouldn’t bang Fass, but I would bang Elise.”

 

“Uh, thanks Nol? I guess?” 

 

“You think I’m cute?”

 

“Nott’s kinda scary. So is Beau. And Yasha.”

 

“Caduceus is the best and I want him to come back to this ship.”

 

“Yeah, LePool’s cooking sucks ass compared to his.”

 

“It’s LePual.”

 

“Leperl?”

 

“...Whatever.”

 

“It... really does. A-apologies Marius.”

 

“No, it’s true.” 

 

Waldark stared as they continued to ramble on, detailing odd occurrences and strange sentences they’d overheard to support whatever theory they had. They didn’t slow down either. Each theory suggested brought up about half a dozen new ones, slowly becoming more and more ridiculous. 

 

“You guys are bonkers.” Waldark finally said once they’d eventually fallen silent, looking at one another. “Why did you even sign up for this trip?”

 

“We didn’t know it was going to lead to this.” Fass said, staring at the ground. “We thought it was a regular boat. Not a pirate ship.” 

 

“Perhaps hearing it was called ‘The Mistake’ should’ve been a giveaway.” Sallo deadpanned. 

 

“Wow. You are all gonna be fucked once we get to Darktow.” Waldark said, still seeming almost in disbelief.

 

“Darktow? What’s at Darktow?” Elise asked. Gallan noticeably winced, and everyone looked at him, betrayal in their eyes. How dare he not give them prior warning to something  _ else  _ that was going to happen.

 

“It’s essentially Avantika and the Squalleater multiplied by fifty.” Gallan said. “Pirate Island.” 

 

An… entire island full of pirates? Marius felt the colour drain from his face, and the others didn’t look so hot either. 

 

“Don’t worry.” Gallan ran a hand through his shortly cut hair, grimacing and not looking very convincing. “You’ll all be fine as long as we keep our heads down and don’t cause trouble. It’s a bunch of pirates, but there are rules.”

 

“What about the Mighty Nein? If they cause trouble, will we get in trouble?” Nol asked. “Cause I’m gonna need more alcohol if that’s true.”

 

Waldark and Gallan both made vague, noncommittal sounds coupled with shrugs, which wasn’t very reassuring. 

 

“D-don’t worry.” Orly said, patting the closest person (Fass) on the back. “I’m sure things will be just… fine.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Orly stop trying to reassure these losers because things are only gonna get so much worse. 
> 
> Also if this were a modern AU I can guarantee you the Normal Seven would've dragged Waldark into a dark room to show off their conspiracy board.  
> In a Modern AU the Normal Seven would live on the same floor of an apartment building as the Mighty Nein probably, and just have to deal with their shenanigans constantly. Either that or they all work at the same store and the Normal Seven are the only ones doing their damn jobs.


	5. Might As Well Get Used To It

Marius stared out the window of the bar as most of the Mighty Nein were dragged off, literally in chains. The Squalleater sat at the docks, scorched, broken, bodies littered everywhere and guards combing through the place.

 

Swiftly melting snow was settled on the docks despite the near-tropical weather and there was a hideous smell of burnt flesh.

 

“That was a fucking demon.” Nol said, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open. For once, she was so shocked she couldn’t even bring herself to take a drink from her mug. “An honest to Pelor  _ demon _ .” 

 

“I-it would seem so…” Orly said. He and Gallan had been keeping them all close together, a tiny group of seven normal people against an entire island of pirates. 

 

“Oh my gods.” Fass squeaked, looking one step away from fainting.

 

“They’re gonna kill us.” Sallo said. “We’re gonna die on this godsforsaken island.” 

 

Marius just gulped, staring. After everything he had already seen… this blew it all out of the water. He was stunned. His brain seemed stuck, frozen on whatever the hell he had just witnessed. 

 

He spun around, facing away from the window.

 

“Well, I’m gonna go get super drunk before we all get arrested and executed. Anyone with me?” He asked.

 

There were a few moments silence.

 

“Yup.”

 

“Sounds good.”

 

“Let’s do it.” 

 

\---------------------

 

Five hours later all fourteen of them, the Mighty Nein and the Normal Seven, stood on deck, watching Darktow slowly vanish into the distance.

 

They were all mixed in with one another, rather than standing off in their respective groups, all just staring at the retreating island. 

 

They were all still alive. Somehow. 

 

Against all odds, they were all still alive. 

 

The Mighty Nein were battered and more than a few of them were bloody, but they were all still alive. 

 

They had explicit instructions to never return, but Marius didn’t want to go back anyway. 

 

How the  _ fuck  _ were they all still alive? 

 

“Oh my gods.” Fass squeaked, falling down to his knees. “Oh my  _ gods _ .” 

 

Elise began to giggle, almost manically. “I can’t believe we’re not dead!”

 

“Hey, at least you guys weren’t the ones fighting.” Beau said, her eyes still pinned on the pirate island.

 

“Oh yeah, we’re just the dumbasses who have to hope you guys don’t get us all killed.” Nol said bluntly. 

 

“In our defense, we did  _ not  _ plan to fight Avantika.” Nott said, pulling out her flask.

 

“I’ll forgive you if you give me some of that,” Nol said, holding out her own flask. Nott met her eye, the pair of them just staring at each for a moment, a silent conversation between two alcoholics. 

 

After a few moments, Nott extended her flask, and Nol knelt down to get on her level, Nott tipping her flask up and letting alcohol pour into Nol’s until it nearly overflowed. 

 

Nol stood up, staring at her flask like it was the only thing stopping her from dropping dead. “Well, this has been a fun day, but unless you’re planning to fight a dragon or something later today, I’m gonna go to bed.” 

 

“We rarely plan to fight anything.” Caleb said, looking frazzled and bloody and even scruffier than usual, his magic cat held close in his hands.

 

“That makes it worse.” Marius said, hugging his arms. “That makes it a million times worse.” 

 

“Yeah, sorry about all of that.” Fjord said, scratching the back of his neck and looking genuinely apologetic. 

 

“Do... we get a b-b-bonus for all of this?” Orly asked, one eyebrow raised. 

 

The Mighty Nein made a series of vague noises. Perfectly fine with summoning demons and walls of flames, but parting with a few extra coins gave them pause? Typical. 

 

“That sounds reasonable to me.” Caduceus said, and his friends looked at him. The crew members who were still hanging around all looked at him like a child who’d just been handed a treat he’d been craving all day. Marius had no idea how Caduceus had survived in this group for so long. He was too wholesome and good.

 

“Uh… yeah, a bonus sounds very reasonable.” Fjord said, looking exhausted. “We’ll… we’ll sort that out when we get to port.”

 

“We better.” Sallo muttered.

 

“Are you guys all okay?” Jester asked. “I still have a couple spells.”

 

“Nope, don’t need it.” Marius said. The further he stayed away from magic, the better. “We’re smart, we stay away from the fighting.” 

 

“Yup, I’m going to bed now.” Elise said, still giggling a little. “Thanks, bye, see ya! Heheh-”

 

They all quickly excused themselves, retreating to the safety of their quarters as quickly as possible. 

 

“ _ Are  _ you all al-alright?” Orly asked once the door was closed, all of them huddled in the one room, still slightly panicked from everything. 

 

“Not dead, aren’t we?” Nol was already sprawled in a cot - it wasn’t even hers, because they weren’t even on The Mistake anymore, they were on the fucking  _ Squalleater _ \- a giddy grin on her face and her flask in her hand. “Nott filled up my  _ entire  _ flask, how much alcohol does she have in that thing?”

 

“Magic flask… makes sense.” Elise said, tugging nervously at her hair, her voice a little manic. “Maybe her mask is magical too. Maybe everything is magical.” 

 

“Alright now, Elise, s-sit down.” Orly said, his voice gentle. “We all need some rest.” 

 

He guided a shell-shocked Elise to one of the cots, nudging her on the shoulders until she sat down. Marius glanced around at the others, all of them looking uncomfortable. They’d seen a lot of crazy shit on this trip, but today… today had been the worst. The absolute worst. 

 

“I don’t understand.” Fass said, sitting down next to his sister, gripping the side of the cot. “How can they do stuff like this? How did they-why did they-they summoned a demon.”

 

Even Sallo was noticeably shaken by the days events, and up to this point he’d probably been the most stoic of them all. “They have the power to summon demons, and they’re just dicking around on a  _ boat _ .”

 

“I don’t even want to understand.” Marius whined, finding an empty cot and sitting down. He looked around it, spotting the spine of a journal poking out from underneath the pillow. Fuck. This was someone’s bed.  _ Was.  _ “I want to go home.” 

 

“I miss my parents. They’re probably missing us so much.” Fass said, pulling his legs up to his chest. “I don’t want to be a sailor anymore after this.” 

 

“I don’t blame you.” Sallo said, leaning against the wall and running a hand through his hair. “If I get back, I’ll stick to fixing chairs and doors. What’s the most inland city in Wildemount? I bet they need carpenters there.”

 

“If we live through this, I’ll move to wherever the fuck that city is with you.” Nol was staring straight up at the ceiling, her hands gripping her flask tight. “Hopefully we’ll never hear about the Mighty Nein ever again.”

 

“Is there room for one more?” Marius asked sullenly.

 

“H-hey now.” Orly cleared his throat, and everyone glanced at him, or at least just fell silent. “This has been… a rough t-time for us all… including the Nein.”

 

“Yeah, but it’s their fault we’re in these messes to begin with.” Marius said. 

 

“True… but they’ve always tried their b-best to keep us out of harm’s way.” Orly continued. “T-they don’t mean for all of this to happen. I think they’re just… hideously unlucky.” 

 

A silence descended upon the room, the air feeling stale and tight, everyone looking around, waiting to see if someone would try to object. After a short while, Orly spoke up again. 

 

“I’ll admit… I want this misadventure to be over as s-soon as possible as well.” He shook his head slowly, one hand still resting on Elise’s shoulder. “But until then… the Mighty Nein have kept us alive this far… I trust them t-to continue keepin us alive.” 

 

Elise sniffed loudly, wiping her eyes and accepting a handkerchief that Orly pulled out of a pocket. Marius ran a finger along the frayed edges of his sleeves, the same sleeves Beau had ripped off. He… he still wasn’t sure what to think. If it hadn’t been for the Mighty Nein, his life would undoubtedly not be as hellish as it was right now. 

 

But Orly did have a point, in that everything that had happened… almost seemed like an accident. They hadn’t called in the harpies, they hadn’t seemed to have planned to do whatever they ended up doing on that lizard people island, they certainly hadn’t planned to end up fighting Avantika. They didn’t seem to ever have a plan period, they just headed off with a vague notion of what to do and tried to handle whatever bullshit arose from that.

 

Which was a shitty way to go through life in Marius’ opinion, but… they’d never let him and the rest of the crew deal with it for the most part. They were left behind on the relative safety of the ship, usually. They weren’t asked to risk their lives for them. They’d kidnapped him, but after that… they’d treated him relatively nicely. Sure, half the time it felt more like they just forgot he and the others existed. Honestly, he was pretty sure most of them didn’t even know all of their names.

 

Yet somehow, it all ended up working out in the end. Relatively. If he squinted. Perhaps things would end up alright. 

 

“At least it can’t get much worse than Darktow.” Gallan said, still standing in the doorway, his arms folded and his entire body brimming with exhaustion. “Can’t get much worse than summoning a demon and going up against the Plank King.” 

 

“Don’t even say that, you’re going to jinx it.” Marius said, grimacing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: no fear
> 
> *the lingering possibility that one or more of the crew members will end up killed at some point in the future, thus necessitating me to write that in and having to pick one if Matt doesn't specify*
> 
> Me: one fear
> 
> Anyway happy new years y'all!!!!!!! I find this chapter to be funniest if you read the last bit of last chapter and then immediately the first bit of this chapter. Just imagine a smash cut from everyone happy on the boat to them just standing at the window in Darktow, gaping. In the background, screams.
> 
> Edit: A list of subsequent fears I have in regards to this story  
> \- Matt deciding to specify how many crew members there are and it being more or less than seven  
> \- Matt deciding to specify names and jobs  
> \- Matt deciding to specify anything really.  
> \- Just Matt. I am afraid of the power he holds over this world. Please. Please Matt have mercy


	6. Funny How Standards Change

Marius sat on the deck, looking at Nol, who sat across from him. With no barrels to make and no odd jobs to do, the entire ship anchored and resting in position, the Mighty Nein off gallivanting at the bottom of the ocean (Marius didn’t question why they wanted to go down there. He didn’t question anything they did anymore) the crew was left with little to do.

 

Everyone was still a little subdued after the Darktow incident, but… they felt a bit more relaxed. Perhaps the realisation that the Mighty Nein weren’t actively trying to ruin their lives had made them feel a bit better about things. Somehow, the Nein had shifted from ‘those assholes who kidnapped him’ to ‘those assholes who are also a part of this crew, and that means we’re kind of friends?’, and this entire trip had shifted from ‘the worst experience of his life’ to ‘a crazy-ass adventure that he gets a front row seat to’.

 

“Go fish.” Marius said smugly, and Nol scowled at him, picking up a card from a pile sitting between them. “Your turn Gallan.” 

 

He, Nol, Gallan and Elise were playing Go Fish. Fass was sitting up in the crow’s nest acting as lookout, mostly keeping an eye on some ominous looking clouds that were beginning to form close to the ship, and looking for when the Mighty Nein would surface from their underwater trip. Orly was sitting on a barrel with a book in his hands, scavenged from the bunk of some poor sailor who was currently either deceased or arrested by the Plank King. Marius tried not to think about that. 

 

“Elise, do you have a four?” Gallan said, lounging on the deck with one arm behind him and the other holding his deck. It was always relaxing whenever the Mighty Nein  _ weren’t  _ around, and all of them had gone beyond wondering whether they would survive whatever the fuck they were doing. Marius was seriously starting to believe Fass’ theory that one or more of them were actually some kind of deity, incapable of dying until the end of the universe itself.

 

It would explain how they had made it through this trip intact thus far. Either way, all of them wanted to make the most of the quiet hours before the Mighty Nein returned and things got loud and crazy again. Marius’ opinion of them may have slightly improved, but there was still no denying that things got weird when they were around. 

 

It had been mostly quiet since leaving Darktow, though Jester had spent half a day parading around in Avantika’s clothes, dressing up a slightly unenthusiastic Beau and Yasha and a far more interested Elise, who even now still wore the long royal blue sleeveless coat Jester had put her in, a few sizes too big for her. But besides that, things had almost been like it was a regular trip, and an outsider would probably say that the only noticeable oddity about them was that half of them weren’t actually sailors.

 

Elise sighed and passed over a card to Gallan, who smirked and placed it down next to him with another card, on top of a pile of other pairs. 

 

“Hey! I see them!” All of them looked up, seeing Fass standing in the crow’s nest, half leaning out of it and cupping his hands around his mouth, looking down at them all to see them looking up before pointing. “They’re coming back!” 

 

The card game was promptly abandoned and they all scrambled to the side of the ship in the direction Fass was pointing, seeing the Mighty Nein trudging along the top of the water - which Marius’ brain only distantly recognised as being unnatural - and looking haunted and generally peeved off.

 

After staring for a few moments Marius and the others raced to get a rope ladder for them to climb up, attaching it to the side of the boat and helping them over the side as they climbed up. 

 

“So, how’d it go?” Elise asked as they came up. “Did you find… whatever you were looking for?”

 

“In a way.” Fjord said, a strange look on his face and blood on his hands. Marius immediately avoided looking at his hands. “We’d best get going, quickly. Uh, Orly?”

 

Orly cleared his throat and stepped forward, already having grabbed the map. “W-where are we headed next?”

 

As Fjord and Orly stepped away to sort out navigation, Marius and the others helped the remaining members of the Mighty Nein back onto the ship, before rolling up the rope ladder, Elise ducking below deck to put it away.

 

“So what did you find?” Sallo asked. “You all look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

 

Half of the Mighty Nein had already headed towards the door that led below deck by this point, complaining about walking for ‘basically  _ forever _ ’, and those who remained noticeably flinched.

 

“Fucking got it in one, dude.” Beau said, stretching her arms over her head.

 

“Wait, what?” Marius asked, eyes widening. 

 

“Ghosts, LePaw. Ghosts.” Jester said.

 

“It’s LePual.” Marius sighed, knowing it wasn’t going to make a difference. No one had managed to say his name correctly once. Thankfully most of them just stuck to Marius by this point.

 

“You saw actual ghosts?” Sallo asked incredulously. 

 

“Oh yeah. Beau punched them!” Nott said, a little more energetic than her friends, and quite twitchy.

 

“You punched the ghosts?” Gallan asked. “Wouldn’t your hand go through?”

 

“Nope. Beau’s got  _ magic  _ fists.” Nott said, smiling wryly at them. “Perfect for punching ghosts.”

 

“Damn right.” Beau said, yawning and walking off. “See ya.” 

 

Marius, Nol, Sallo and Gallan stood there in shocked for a few moments, blinking at Jester and Nott, who blinked back.

 

“You mean Beau’s magic too?” Marius finally sputtered out. “Yasha’s the only one who doesn’t have magic?”

 

Jester and Nott looked at them for a few moments before bursting out laughing. 

 

“What? Yasha’s got magic!” Jester said, putting her hands on her hips. “She can do healing and she’s got a magic sword-”

 

“And she can become an angel of  _ death.”  _ Nott said solemnly.

 

With that revelation, Jester and Nott turned around and followed the rest of their party off to catch a nap, leaving the crew members stunned in their wake, their gaze slowly shifting to Yasha, who was squeezing the excess water out of her hair a few feet away, an action that suddenly seemed far more ominous than it probably actually was.

 

“Damn, I was way off.” Sallo said. “Maybe Yasha’s the one from the Shadowrealm.” 

 

“They’ve all got magic.” Marius said. “Yup. Okay. Cool. Cool cool cool.” 

 

“How the… how the shit can Beau have magic fists?” Nol said aloud, throwing her arms up in utter confusion. 

 

“What the hell does angel of death mean?” Gallan asked, his hands on his hips, looking at the backs of Jester and Nott just in case they would provide answers. They didn’t. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (: (: (:


	7. Ghosts? Why Not?

“Uh, guys, where did the Nein go?” Gallan asked, walking up on deck. Marius and Nol were busy trying to wrangle one of the sails, still getting used to the far larger and more unwieldy ones of The Squalleater. Well, Balleater now. Marius didn’t think it could’ve gotten any worse than The Mistake, but apparently he was wrong. 

 

“What do you mean?” Marius asked. “Yasha’s over there, at least.”

 

He bundled as much of the sail as he could in one arm and used the other to point to the back of the boat, where Yasha was standing, watching the storm clouds in the distance. 

 

“No, the rest of them. I mean, they came back up here, right?” Gallan asked. 

 

“No. They were down with that Twig girl, weren’t they?” Nol asked, frowning at the sail. 

 

Funny how a gnome stowaway barely made a blip on their weirdness radar at this point. Oh, she’s got a weird-ass ball thing? Whatever. We’ve seen weirder. She talks to a squirrel? Cool. At least it doesn’t change shape. She managed to avoid detection by everyone on the ship for a whole week? Sounds fair enough. Nol’s terrible at keeping track of inventory anyway, they should really do something about that. 

 

“Yeah, but I passed by the room they were in and they’re gone. The weird ball thing was sitting on the ground.” Gallan said, folding his arms and looking over his shoulder, towards the door that led below deck. 

 

“That’s strange.” Marius frowned. The Mighty Nein were many things, but messy wasn’t one of them. They didn’t leave random objects, especially ones they had been so interested in just a few hours earlier, on the ground. 

 

“So? They probably went to get a snack or something. Or maybe the Twig girl wanted to show them something else in another room.” Nol said, still focused on the sail.

 

“That’s what I thought, but I wanted to make sure the ball wasn’t gonna like, explode or anything. But I couldn’t find them anywhere below deck.” Gallan said. 

 

Marius and Nol exchanged a look. Okay, things were starting to get strange, but not strange enough that he wanted to look away and ignore it until it solved itself. 

 

“Well, I didn’t see them come up here.” Marius said, his frown deepening, the sail temporarily forgotten. 

 

“This is ridiculous, I’ll take a look. You probably didn’t look hard enough.” Nol rolled her eyes, dropping the sail and stomping towards the door. Marius and Gallan both followed, beginning to comb through the entire lower decks of the ship. 

 

They checked every room, splitting up just to make sure they didn’t miss anything. They found Orly, busy double-checking maps in his quarters, which were much nicer than the ones they’d had on The Mistake, and large enough they could actually split up into two groups rather than all of them squishing into one room. They found Jester’s small crimson weasel, sleeping soundly on Jester’s pillow and looking like it was finally enjoying some peace and quiet. They found Sallo, finishing up some simple repairs, the most they could do until they got to a port and got proper repairs done.

 

They didn’t find a single one of the Mighty Nein, or the Twig girl. The strange ball, which none of them dared touch, sat ominously in the room Gallan had seen them in last, abandoned. 

 

Now completely mystified, Gallan, Nol and Marius met back above deck, approaching Yasha.

 

Marius tapped her on the shoulder, and her eyes flicked down to them, seeming surprised to see them there. “Oh. Hello.” 

 

“Do you know where your friends are? We can’t find them.” Marius said. If anyone would have a clue as to where the Mighty Nein might’ve gone, it would probably be Yasha. Why she wouldn’t have gone with them, who knew. Perhaps she didn’t feel like a death-defying adventure today. 

 

“What do you mean?” Yasha asked, turning to face them properly, her eyebrows knitting together. 

 

“We can’t find them.” Marius winced as he spoke, because it was such a ridiculous concept. They were on a  _ ship _ . Unless they’d jumped overboard, they had to be somewhere. 

 

They  _ could  _ have jumped overboard to go on another underwater adventure, but they would’ve had to get above deck for that, so at least someone would’ve seen them. They were very hard to miss.

 

“They went below deck to investigate the ball thing with Twiggy, but now we can’t find them and the ball is left behind.” Gallan explained. 

 

Yasha looked at them for what felt an eternity. It felt like she was looking through his very soul, and it would’ve been more than a little creepy if she hadn’t looked so confused. 

 

“Where were they?” She asked, and Gallan hesitated for a moment before springing into action, guiding her down below deck. Elise, having seen some of the commotion from the helm, called out to ask what was going on.

 

“Hopefully nothing, and we’re all just going crazy!” Marius shouted back, and Elise did not look reassured, but shut her mouth and turned around anyway, gripping the wheel perhaps a little tighter than before. 

 

Marius and Nol followed Gallan and Yasha back to the room, where they waited in the doorway while Yasha stepped in, seeming to look around every single inch, as if the others had simply turned invisible, waiting to surprise her as soon as she walked in. Which was a possibility.

 

But no one jumped out from a hiding place, and eventually Yasha picked up the ball, staring at that for a few minutes.

 

“They were looking at this?” She asked, looking back at them over her shoulder.

 

“Uh, yeah. I think if you mess around with it, it does stuff.” Gallan said uneasily. “Magic stuff.”

 

One of Yasha’s eyebrows seemed to twitch, which would have probably meant nothing if not for the fact that she was one of the most stoic people Marius had ever met. One eyebrow twitch from Yasha was probably the equivalent of ten minutes of crying from Jester. Probably. That was a rough estimate. He’d never actually seen Jester cry.

 

Yasha took a very long, deep breath. “Okay.” She finally said, gently putting the ball back down on the ground and turning back towards them.

 

“Okay?” Gallan repeated, disbelief plain in his voice. “Wha-?”

 

“What’s okay? Do you know where they’ve gone?” Marius asked, the three of them automatically stepping aside as Yasha walked through, robotically walking towards the storeroom. Marius, Nol and Gallan exchanged stunned looks, following her to try and find an explanation.

 

“Hello? Yasha, where did they go?” Marius repeated the question. Perhap he had gotten a little bolder since joining this crew. Perhaps he’d been through so much his sense of self-preservation was shot. 

 

“I don’t know.” Yasha said, her voice almost completely even. 

 

“Shit.” Nol said, before saying it again, louder. “Shit! What do we do?” 

 

They made it to the storeroom and Yasha was inside for only a moment, returning with a rope before once again breezing past and heading above deck.

 

“What’s going on?” Elise called out again once they emerged, as Yasha headed straight to the side. Sallo and Orly wandered out soon, looking confused and curious, and Fass was looking down at them from the crow’s nest, frowning but probably not quite able to hear what was happening on the deck. 

 

“They’re missing! All of them are missing!” Marius shouted out, Elise audibly gasping.

 

“What?” 

 

“Yasha, what are you doing?” Nol asked, staring as Yasha tied one end of the rope around her waist, wrapping a few loops around her before handing the other end of Gallan, who was standing closest to her. She didn’t answer Nol’s question, staring off at the horizon. 

 

“Uh, Yasha?” Marius asked, feeling a little uneasy. Okay, a lot uneasy.

 

Yasha took a very long, deep breath, before turning to them. By that point, all of them, even Fass and Elise had abandoned their posts to see what was going on, standing in a small clump. After all, Yasha was technically one of their superior officers. She’d know what to do in the case of everyone else disappearing, right? She was far more used to something like this than they were, right?

 

“I am going to go scream underwater. Please pull me up when I am done.” She said, before promptly turning around, stepping up onto the barrier, and dropping off over the side in one smooth movement.

 

What. The. Fuck. 

 

With barely a second to process her words, one of them let out a strangled gasp, all of them rushing to the side of the boat as one, Gallan holding onto the other end of the rope for dear life. By the time they got there they saw nothing but the rope, drifting in the water.

 

Then, a flurry of bubbles, a few feet away from the edge of the boat at a spot the rope disappeared into the water.

 

They stood there, watching and gaping. After a solid thirty seconds, Yasha came up for air, before taking another huge breath and ducking back down again.

 

After repeating this a few times she seemed satisfied, swimming closer to the boat and tugging on the rope, and all of them frantically hauled her back up. Once they got her back, she undid the rope, handing the rest of it to Gallan.

 

“I am going to go to my quarters now. Sorry about that.” She said, beginning to walk away, completely and utterly drenched with not even an attempt to dry herself off. 

 

The seven of them looked at one another in confusion mixed with horror.

 

“You know, I think she feels better now.” Gallan said, his voice was little detached, like he wasn’t quite sure what was happening. “Jumping into the ocean might be a good idea.” 

 

There was a moment’s silence.

 

“Does this mean we won’t get paid?” Sallo asked, asking no one and everyone at the same time.

 

There was another sober silence. 

 

Followed by seven exhausted people who had had enough adventure for three lifetimes in the span of a few weeks simultaneously releasing every curse word they could think of in as many languages as they knew. 

 

Nearly getting carried off by a harpy was one thing. Getting kidnapped to work on a ship was another thing. Getting dragged to a pirate island only to be kicked off said pirate island was a third thing. Even losing almost all of their superior officers to some weird-ass mechanical, probably magical ball was something they could get used to at this point.

 

But the loss of their paycheck? That was too much. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gods im so glad the break is nearly over. I've written enough for this story to catch up all the way to canon and i've just been stuck with nothing to draw on for a couple weeks. Anyway, enjoy this yeet.
> 
> Anyway so the new episode is up today and all i want is for none of the crew members to die or be expanded upon in any way so i can continue doing whatever i want with this :)


	8. Throw In Another Demon While You're At It

The first few days alone were… depressing. 

 

Well, the first night wasn’t too bad, actually. Nol busted out the stash of whiskey and rum she’d been hoarding and all of them got absolutely plastered — except for Fass and Elise, who only got through three cups of diluted whiskey before they threw up and Orly sent them to bed like a responsible adult, and Yasha, who didn’t join their pity party — bemoaning the disappearance of their employers and their source of income.

 

After they’d all sobered up, the realisation of exactly what kind of mess they were in hit them, and things got somber very quickly. 

 

Orly, Gallan and Elise kept them on a straight course to the Bisaft Isles, where they’d been heading prior to the Mighty Nein’s… disappearance. None of them knew what to do, or if there was anything  _ to  _ do about it. Orly and Gallan shared in the role of acting captain, neither particularly happy about it. 

 

They left the ball alone in the room it had been found in, wary and paranoid that if they touched it or messed with it any more than they already had, something terrible would happen to them too. 

 

It was odd, in a way. Even two weeks ago, Marius would’ve been thrilled about this. Finally, they’d have the perfect opportunity to turn the boat around and go right back to Nicodranas, but now that the Mighty Nein were gone and he didn’t have even a smidgen of a clue as to where they were or if they would return? It wasn’t as fun. Perhaps it was just the fact that if they didn’t return, he wouldn’t get paid.

 

So what if he hadn’t been officially hired. If they got back and he didn’t get a paycheck, he was going to fight them, magic and trickster gods and ghost-punching fists be damned. 

 

Perhaps it was the fact that he’d actually gotten used to it all. Getting past their weirdness, their magic, their terribly violent first introduction, and appreciating the fact that they hadn’t let him die since then. Maybe he’d actually starting enjoying being a part of their crew. Or not so much enjoying, but finding a morbid fascination with it. 

 

Or perhaps what made it so much more depressing was Yasha. She was even quieter than she’d been before, splitting her time between combing through every square inch of the ship as if the others might just be hiding  _ really  _ well for no reason, and standing on deck staring up at the sky, her eyes following every cloud. 

 

The rest of the crew practically tiptoed around her, not sure how to deal with this new kind of situation. Marius felt constantly uneasy, as if at any moment she might go full death-angel on them all. She didn’t, but she  _ could _ . 

 

To make matters even worse, Caduceus was gone. Which meant they were all stuck with Marius’ inferior cooking. Again. Even Marius himself nearly welled up as he ate it. It just… wasn’t the same. 

 

“How are we gonna pay for repairs if they don’t come back in time?” Nol asked, the seven of them having an emergency meeting in the mess hall, three days after the Disappearance. They were supposed to get to the Bisaft Isles at some point during the night, and when they did they needed a plan.

 

“Maybe Yasha has some?” Elise asked, wringing her hands together. 

 

“I don’t really feel comfortable asking her for money.” Fass said. “She seems kinda sad.”

 

“She seems kinda pissed off to me.” Sallo said, stroking his chin. “I think she was talking to the sky last night while it was raining.”

 

“I heard that.” Elise said, looking uncomfortable. “Maybe she’s praying to the Stormlord or something.”

 

“Or maybe she was talking to another god, like Bahamut. Lots of people pray to the sky.” Gallan said.

 

“No, she’s definitely a Stormlord kind of person. We’ve already discussed this.” Sallo said, always ready to remind the others of their conspiracy theories (especially ones they’ve made bets on). 

 

“Maybe she was talking to Jester’s trickster god sugar daddy.” Nol said, but her words were flat. None of them really felt in the mood to be making jokes about the Mighty Nein. 

 

Three days. Three days of absolutely  _ no idea  _ where they were. Not a single clue, not a trace. 

 

“We still need to figure out how we’re going to pay.” Marius said. “ _ If  _ they don’t come back.”

 

He still figured they would probably come back eventually. It was hard to imagine them, the  _ Mighty Nein _ just disappearing, never to be seen again. They were the kinds of people to go out in a blaze of chaos and fire, battling at least three creatures that mothers told their children stories about to scare them into behaving. The kind of battle that future historians would be unable to decide if it had been exaggerated or not. They weren’t a group to just… vanish.

 

“We could sell some of the leftover supplies.” Gallan suggested. 

 

“We could do some odd jobs on Bisaft. Pay off the debt in labour or something.” Marius said. It was irritating to have this discussion at all, but it was necessary. With the Mighty Nein gone, they were now technically the owners of the ship. They had to get it repaired to get back to Nicodranas and home, and they couldn’t leave before paying those repairs. 

 

They came up with a few more ideas to pay off the debts, things they could sell and different jobs they could do, debating whether it would be more efficient to dump the ship entirely and hitch a ride on other ships that happened to be heading to Nicodranas. 

 

But Marius and the others were hesitant about that plan, and it didn’t take them long to figure out why.

 

“I don’t really wanna leave Yasha all alone.” Elise said, her voice soft. “And I like hanging out with you guys.”

 

Marius opened his mouth to retort that Yasha could handle herself very well without them, but felt a twinge of guilt at the thought. Sure, they’d lost their employers, but she’d lost her friends. Damnit, he  _ did  _ somehow care about this tall, scary, awkward, magical, terrifying whatever-she-was-if-not-human. Or at least felt sorry for her, which was basically the same thing.

 

No Marius. Bad Marius. She did  _ not  _ need his pity. She would probably punch him for it. 

 

“I’d say she’s handling things well.” Nol said, though she didn’t look convinced at her own words. “I mean, walking around and not talking to us is pretty normal for her, isn’t it?”

 

“S-she did talk to her f-friends, though.” Orly said. “Has she spoken to… any of us s-since we realised they were gone?” 

 

Everyone paused, looking at one another and waiting for them to speak up to say that they’d exchanged at least a few words with her. But no one did. 

 

“Wow, we’re shitty crewmates.” Fass said, looking distraught. “She probably hates us.” 

 

“It’s not  _ our  _ fault we’re not best buddies with them.” Sallo said, folding his arms. “She probably doesn’t want to talk to us!”

 

“Doesn’t mean we s-shouldn’t try.” Orly said, and everyone glanced at one another again. 

 

“Ohmygods she’s been lonely all this time and we didn’t say anything!” Elise said, burying her face in her hands. “We’re so mean!”

 

“So who talks to her?” Gallan asked. “Not Fass or Elise, you two are too emotional. You’ll scare her off.”

 

“She’s a person, not an animal, Gallan.” Nol said, before hesitating. “I’m not doing it though. She might cleave me.”

 

“I-I doubt she’ll hurt you.” Orly said, shaking his head lightly. Marius supposed even if they’d started warming up to the Mighty Nein, it would all be baby steps. It was still a lot of shit they’d been put through. 

 

“What about Marius?” Sallo asked, and Marius did a double-take, surprised at being mentioned. “He’s known all of them the longest, hasn’t he?”

 

“Uh, only by like, three minutes?” Marius pointed out. “Gallan met them at basically the same time as me and also, what does that have to do with anything?” 

 

“So, maybe she’ll like you better.” Sallo said, shrugging and holding his hands up in a way that suggested he just really didn’t want to have to do it himself and was grasping at straws for a reason to get someone else to do it.

 

Marius looked at the others, all of whom looked back at him expectantly. After a few moments he groaned dramatically. 

 

“Fine! I’ll talk to her. Make sure she’s not like… I don’t know, doing something weird like saying more than two sentences at a time.” He folded his arms, standing up and stomping towards the door. He hadn’t seen Yasha up on the top deck recently, so she was probably in the Disappearance Room. Once she’d finished checking every single nook and cranny they could find on the ship, she spent a lot of time in there. 

 

Marius began heading that way before hesitating. He had no idea what he was doing. Was he supposed to comfort her? Where would he even begin in comforting Yasha? What would he say?

 

He didn’t think ‘hey, sorry all your friends are gone and possibly dead and possibly with no way to return. Kinda sucks, doesn’t it? Almost as much as nearly being killed and then being kidnapped to work on a random ship that you don’t know how to run.’ was a very good idea. 

 

His mind spinning, Marius pivoted around and jogged to the storeroom, rummaging through it before finding a small stash of lollies that someone from Avantika’s crew had hidden away, that Marius had found a few days ago. 

 

With the bag of lollies in hand, he went back to the Disappearance Room, gulping down his nerves. The door was open when he arrived, and peeked around the side just to double check Yasha was actually inside. 

 

She was, kneeling down on the ground in the middle of the room, just in front where the mechanical ball had been sitting, undisturbed for the past few days. It was dark, the room lit up by a candle on the far wall. Yasha’s back cast shadows all the way to the door, and her body almost seemed to be rimmed by light.

 

Marius bit the inside of his cheek. Gods, he was  _ not  _ suited for this. 

 

“Uh… Yasha?” He asked, his voice a little higher-pitched than he would have liked. He winced, stepping properly into the doorway. “Are you alright?”

 

There was a silence, and after half a minute of neither of them saying anything, Marius was about ready to turn around and walk away, accepting defeat. 

 

But then Yasha broke the silence, her voice quiet. “I am fine.”

 

Well, she said she was fine, so that was that, right? No point in bothering someone who didn’t want to talk. Still, just as Marius imagined stepping backwards to leave, his feet stepped forwards. 

 

“Okay…” His mouth moved, even though part of him felt like it was a mistake to keep talking. “What are you doing?”

 

There was another short silence, and then Yasha exhaled. Marius slowly creeped towards her, crouching down to her left, leaving about a three foot gap between them. He didn’t want to get  _ too  _ close, since she’d always seemed to value her personal space. 

 

He could see the mechanical ball sitting in front of her, a soft, almost imperceptible teal-coloured glow emanating from it. Yasha was looking down at it, her expression as unreadable as ever and her face cast in candlelight.

 

“I’m praying.” She finally said.

 

“Oh. I thought you liked to pray up above deck. To the sky and stuff.” Marius said, settling down into a sitting position. He still felt awkward as heck, and he wasn’t sure this was being very comforting. But at least she was talking to him. That was a good sign, right?

 

“I do.” Yasha said, offering no explanation as to why she was praying here instead. 

 

“Who do you pray to?” Marius asked, just to keep the conversation going and also because he was mildly curious to find out whether it was one of the many gods/goddesses/demons/archfeys that one of the others had suggested. 

 

“The Stormlord.” 

 

Marius nodded, inwardly cursing because now he owed Sallo two copper. “Oh, most of my family follows the Stormlord. You look like someone who’d follow him. You know, with your sword and everything.”

 

For the first time, Yasha’s eyes flickered in his direction, glimmering with something he couldn’t decipher. Or perhaps it was just the reflection of candlelight. Marius had no idea what he was saying, but he kept going. Now that he’d started, it felt wrong to stop.

 

“The Stormlord’s cool, but I follow The Moonweaver. She’s a lot more helpful for my line of work.” He sighed, remembering the good old days when he didn’t fear for his life so much. “Sometimes I had to make secret drop offs and picks up. Kind of like the one you and all your friends gatecrashed. Guess she was busy helping someone else that night.” He rolled his eyes. 

 

“The Moonweaver?” Yasha’s voice changed tone ever so slightly, but he didn’t know her nearly well enough to figure out what that meant. He decided to take it as a good sign. 

 

“Yup.” Marius said, resting one of his arms behind him so that he could lean back in a more relaxed position. “I’ve been praying to her basically all the time lately, though. I’m still alive, so I figure it’s working.”

 

He chuckled lightly to himself, resting the bag of lollies in his lap and wrestling it open with one hand, popping one in his mouth. “Would you like a lolly? I’ve got no idea what they are, but I’ve managed to hide them from Nol, Elise  _ and  _ Gallan til now. They’ve all got a sweet tooth like you wouldn’t believe.”

 

The corner of Yasha’s mouth quirked upwards and Marius couldn’t help but grin. As far as he knew, that was basically a smile from her. Damn, maybe he was better at this than he thought!

 

“Jester likes sweets.” Yasha said, her gaze dropping back down to the mechanical ball for a moment, before drifting back to him. “I would like one, thank you.” 

 

Marius dropped three in her hand, and the two of them fell back into silence again, Marius letting the lollies sit in his mouth and dissolve.

 

“You know, I’m sure they’ll come back soon. Maybe the ball just teleported them somewhere.” He said.

 

“I’m not worried if they will come back.” Yasha said, and Marius hmmed, unsure what to make of that. He had no idea if she was telling the truth or not, he didn’t know her nearly well enough to know if she was. 

 

He decided to just take her at face value. “Uh, that’s cool? Do you think they’re alright, wherever they are?” 

 

Yasha didn’t respond to that, looking back down to the mechanical ball. 

 

“Well, wherever they are, they’re probably trying to get back.” Marius continued, still unsure of what he was saying or if it was helping at all. “I don’t think they’d leave you behind, not on purpose.” 

 

“People leave. I do it all the time.” Yasha’s voice was firm, resolute. No. She wasn’t worried that she’d been abandoned. Or maybe she was just far too used to being abandoned, so it wasn’t worth worrying about anymore. Or maybe it was something else entirely. Gods, she was such a mystery. “But they might be getting in trouble.”

 

“Hey, We all saw Caleb make a huge fucking wall of  _ fire _ . That’s pretty badass.” Marius said, shuddering a little at the thought of the Darktow incident, but trying to suppress it. “I think they can handle themselves.” 

 

“No, they are all idiots and they are probably doing stupid things without me.” 

 

Marius snorted, unable to think of a response to that, even though he was pretty sure Yasha was just as likely to go along with the stupid things her friends ended up doing as the ones who started the stupid things to begin with. Maybe she just missed the opportunity to do stupid things with them. 

 

“Well, I’m sure they’ll return and do stupid things with you again soon.” He said, regretting that line as soon as he said it. Never mind, he was very bad at this. His mind frantically tried to think of a way to salvage the situation. “But in the meantime, you can… hang out with the rest of us? If you want?”

 

Yasha didn’t answer, her eyebrows knitting together and her gaze firmly set on the mechanical ball. After a few moments, it became clear that she wasn’t going to say anything else. Marius sat there awkwardly for another five minutes anyway, absentmindedly eating half the lollies before the tension got to him. He stood up far too sharply to be normal, leaving the rest of the lollies on the ground next to Yasha before haltingly patting her twice on the shoulder.

 

“Well-I’m gonna go now.” He winced, eternally thankful Yasha was looking down and not able to see how red his face probably was. “The rest of the crew and I like to play cards, you can join us if you want. Uh… bye.” 

 

He walked briskly out of the room without another word, not even looking over his shoulder. Gods, what a mess. The lollies alone would probably help Yasha more than anything he had said. 

 

He returned to the others, sheepish and almost certain that he’d done something to fuck things up. None of them saw Yasha for the rest of that day, and none of them went looking for her. But during dinner, while they were all gathered and complaining about how much Marius’ cooking sucked ass compared to Caduceus’ over a round of blackjack, Yasha walked up to them and sat down.

 

Without saying a word, Orly dealt her a hand in the next round, and Sallo whispered the rules to her when it became clear she wasn’t quite sure how to play. She lost every single game regardless and said maybe three words the entire time, but by the end of it… perhaps her eyes seemed a little brighter. Just a little, but it was something. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this part of the story is basically why I started writing this fic in the first place. First I just wanted to do something about Yasha during the week the M9 was gone. Then I got thinking about the crew because I wanted them to interact and then long story short it all kinda morphed into what we have now. So thanks Yasha. Your emotional distress fuels me :)


	9. Just For Funsies, Let's Completely Vanish.

They arrived at the Bisaft Isles early in the morning, while Marius was asleep. He was woken up by the commotion of coming into port, everyone bustling above deck to meet the dockmaster and figure out what to do. Repairs began later that morning once the sun rose, and would likely take a day or two, since they’d been travelling with a damaged ship for nearly two weeks by that point. 

 

The dockmaster, thankfully, did not discuss payment immediately, which gave them a bit more time for the Mighty Nein to return, or for the rest of them to figure out a plan. So for that first day, they decided to just enjoy being on solid ground again, on an island that wasn’t full of pirates that might kill them if given the opportunity. 

 

It was so nice to be around lots of regular people again. 

 

Orly volunteered to stay back and watch the ship so that the rest of them could get some fresh food and enjoy themselves, but then Yasha overruled him, stating that she wasn’t particularly interested in looking around the island. And to make sure none of the workers who repaired the boat touched the weird mechanical ball thing. 

 

So the seven of them left the ship, glad for the chance to stretch their legs and hopefully relax.

 

Well, to be more accurate, it was seven plus one. 

 

“What do you think would be like, a really special treat for a weasel?” Elise asked. Jester’s crimson weasel Sprinkle was perched on the top of her head, making very cute sniffling sounds.

 

When they’d discovered the weasel had also been left behind after the disappearance of most of the Mighty Nein, they hadn’t thought much of it. Then Elise found out and promptly freaked, immediately appointing herself head caretaker of the animal until Jester returned. 

 

“Aren’t weasels like, carnivorous?” Fass asked, a small smile on his face as they breathed in the smells of food cooking. Probably not as good as Caduceus’, but fresh food after weeks at sea didn’t need to be good to satisfy them. 

 

“What? No way, that things tiny.” Nol said, sidling up next to Elise and pointing at Sprinkle to prove her point. “He probably can’t eat a fly.” 

 

“Weasels are definitely carnivorous, Nol.” Gallan said, looking more relaxed than he had since Marius had first met him. A wonder what arriving on shore after a long time at sea could do. 

 

“I-I believe they can eat… mice and such creatures.” Orly said. “Perhaps we will be able to find s-something similar.” 

 

Nol squinted at the weasel, which was quite comfortable curled between the two buns Elise had done her hair up in for the express purpose of giving Sprinkle something to hold onto. His fur was quite a few shades darker than Elise’s hair, and had more of a brownish tinge, but was close enough that more than one sailor or local gave them a double-take as they passed.

 

“Forget the weasel,  _ I’m _ hungry.” Sallo said, walking a few steps ahead of them. “We need to find the first place that sells meat and beer and we are stayin there for the rest of the day.” 

 

There was a general agreement to that idea, along with a half-baked plan to bring Yasha any leftovers that probably only Orly would end up remembering. 

 

Thankfully, they managed to find a meatery, although it was quite busy, with a lot of soldiers or sailors. Elise, curious as ever, asked a few of them to find out why there were so many of them, only to be told that they were being called up to guard the waters of the Clovis Concord, just in case the war between Xhorhas and the Dwendalian Empire got too close. Marius didn’t know a lot about that war, but the last he’d heard, it had been far away from Nicodranas and the rest of the Menagerie Coast. If it was getting close enough that soldiers were starting to be deployed, that probably wasn’t a good sign. 

 

Still, they weren’t supposed to be doing any fighting. Yet. Marius wasn’t sure where he’d want to be if the war did reach them. 

 

Feeling a little uneasy, Marius did his best to ignore the soldiers, focusing on the boar meat and glass of mead in front of him. It was sweet, but it was delicious, and it was exactly what he needed.

 

Elise tried to get Sprinkle to eat some of the boar, but apparently the damn thing was fussy, curling up its nose at the meat offered to it and scurrying around Elise to her back so that she couldn’t get to him. After about twenty minutes of trying Elise gave up, focusing on her own meal and leaving the weasel there to starve or whatever. 

 

Spirits were high despite the still quite shitty circumstances they were in. Their employers still gone, their wallets very close to being empty (not helped by the copious glasses of mead Nol kept buying for everyone) and they had no clue what to do next. But screw it. At least they were still alive. 

 

It was somewhere around noon that finally left the meatery, wandering around the rest of the port town, most of them in a tipsy stupor. Elise and Fass had once again proven terrible at holding their liquor, and Orly escorted them both back to the ship to sleep it off before they could throw up in public or anything else equally as humiliating for them. 

 

Marius, Gallan, Nol and Sallo continued looking around the town, spending a solid hour sitting on the docks and watching other sailors and crew walk around, openly and loudly judging them when compared to the Mighty Nein.

 

“Look at em. They don’t even look slightly afraid for their lives.” Gallan said, scoffing and shaking his head, resting against a barrel.

 

“And they’re all dressed the same. Absolutely pitiful.” Nol had draped herself over the same barrel, very dramatically pointing at any passing sailor who she felt was particularly disgraceful. “Where’s the pizazz? Where’s the hundreds of probably stolen rings and bright pink bags?”

 

“Why, I bet none of them have even been arrested.” Marius snickered shamelessly and ignoring the odd looks those walking past were giving them. “I bet none of them have dealt with their ship being caught on fire.” 

 

“Twice!” Gallan added on, to a chorus of cheers from the rest of them.

 

“I bet none of their crewmates are from the Shadowrealm. Or the Feywild.” Sallo said, his arms folded. “I almost feel sorry for them.”

 

“I bet  _ their  _ captain doesn’t randomly disappear for days on end.” Marius said, holding his head in his hands, a headache starting to come on as the buzz from the mead began to fade.

 

“I bet their captain actually knows their name.” Nol said, smirking. “Or what they do.” 

 

“My gods, what have our lives become.” Gallan said, his voice laden with disbelief. 

 

The four of them sat there silently, pondering that statement. Sure, they’d all gotten used to the chaos. Sure, Marius had begun to sort of enjoy himself (you know, when they weren’t busy trying not to die), but there was still no doubt that the Mighty Nein were shitty at running a ship. They were certainly shitty at taking care of their crew, with the notable exception of Caduceus. They weren’t abusive, just… apathetic. Marius supposed it could be worse. 

 

The silence continued for a few moments before all of them burst into giddy, near-hysterical laughter.

 

At some point they stumbled back to the Balleater, pointedly ignoring the dockworkers and random sailors who all pointed out the name and did nothing to conceal their giggles at it as they passed by. A stupid-ass name for their stupid-ass ship was the least of their worries. 

 

They waved hello to some of the repairmen on the ship before heading down below deck, and Marius had a solid nap for a few hours, waking up with a headache and still feeling slightly tipsy, but far more manageable than what he’d have had to deal with if he hadn’t slept for a while. They had dinner on the boat, not wanting to spend too much of their very limited funds, and Yasha eventually joined them, still sullen and very intimidating but not as much as Marius had thought of her before. She could still probably rip his head off in one go, but she had steadily climbed up to maybe second place on his list of favourite Mighty Nein members.

 

Caduceus was at the top, obviously. Then there was a very, very, very large gap between him and second, which he supposed was Yasha now. Jester and Caleb hovered somewhere near the same place, Jester because she was funny and Caleb because he had a cat - that was also an octopus and also an owl - that would sometimes let Marius and the others pet him. Nott was a little below them because while she wasn’t exactly friendly with the crew, she was mostly fine and enthusiastic. Beau was further below because she’d ripped his shirt and Marius still hadn’t quite forgiven her for that.

 

Fjord was at the very bottom purely because he was the captain, and thus ultimately responsible for all this nonsense. Even if Marius was slowly beginning to enjoy himself (or just become so accustomed to the weirdness that it didn’t bother him anymore), he would still ultimately prefer being safe at home in Nicodranas. At this point, he was just trying to make the best of a very strange situation. 

 

In any case, it didn’t matter too much since most of them were, ya know, missing. 

 

After the daily wistful complaints that Marius’ food was inferior to Caduceus’, their conversation settled into a more mundane series of ideas of what to do the following day. Any supplies they were low on, anything anyone wanted to look at and, of course, figuring out how they would pay for the repairs on top of anything else they’d need to buy. 

 

“We could sell the weasel.” Sallo suggested, ignoring the indignant objections from Elise, who nearly choked on her food in her haste to shut down that idea.

 

“We could eat the weasel.” Nol said, but the grin on her face suggested she wasn’t anywhere near as serious as Sallo had been. 

  
“No!” Elise said in between coughing out pieces of food, Fass awkwardly putting a hand on her back to offer support.

 

“Where is Sprinkle?” Yasha asked, having been quiet for most of dinner so far. “I did not see him when you came back.”

 

“He was with Elise, wasn’t he?” Marius asked, looking towards Elise, who seemed to be busy hacking up a lung.

 

“Oh, I don’t think we dropped him off back to Jester’s room when we came back.” Fass said, looking sheepish and slightly queasy. “We went straight to bed.” 

 

“He’s probably enjoyin some s-sleep of his own on Elise’s bed.” Orly said, casting a wry smile in Yasha’s direction. 

 

“No, I saw you when you came back.” Yasha said, a little more insistently. “I didn’t see him with you.” 

 

They all glanced amongst one another, suddenly trying to remember the last time they’d seen the weasel. Elise had definitely had him when she’d left the meatery with Fass and Orly.

 

Right?

 

Elise had suddenly gone pale, a look of panic frozen on her face. “I-I’ll go check-” She staggered out of her chair and bolted out of the room.

 

After a few minutes, she returned, the panic even more obvious. “Uh-Yasha, will Jester kill me if I lost her weasel?”

 

Yasha opened her mouth to answer before closing it, seeming to consider the question. Probably because she hadn’t had to deal with a situation like this before and thus had to think about it, but the few seconds of hesitation was enough. Elise’s face dropped like she’d been told her entire family was dead, and she let out a wail.

 

“Oh my gods she’s gonna kill me!” She held onto the doorway for dear life, the rest of them sitting in stunned silence as the realisation washed over them.

 

They’d lost the weasel. On an island. Oh shit. That thing could be  _ anywhere _ . 

 

“I do not think she will kill you.” Yasha finally said, but by that point Elise was too far gone.

 

“We’ve gotta find him!” She shrieked, before promptly racing off, leaving the rest of them in stunned silence.

 

“I am sure he will find his way back.” Yasha said blandly, her eyes widened a little.

 

“Has Jester ever, uh, lost a pet before?” Gallan asked.

 

“Well… she had a dog, but it got left behind in Nicodranas. And Beau had a bird, but it flew away.” Yasha said, shrugging.

 

“So this weasel was her last pet? The only one she still has?” Gallan asked. Yasha nodded.

 

Gallan took in a deep breath. “We’ve got to find that fucking weasel.” 

 

All of them (but Yasha, who was nowhere near as concerned for the loss of this potentially extremely sentimental and important weasel as they were) returned to the meatery after dinner, the last known location of the weasel. They bought a few more glasses of mead to justify their presence, trying not to look like absolute lunatics as they scoured under tables, peeking behind the bar and searching through corners for Sprinkle. 

 

There was no sign of the beast. 

 

They expanded their search, going outside and hunting through bushes and around trees, asking locals if they’d seen any crimson weasels around. Marius silently dreaded that one of them would say ‘oh yeah, we caught that thing. It’s super dead now.’ but fortunately no one did. Unfortunately, no one had seen it at all.

 

By this point, it was very much nighttime. Elise was practically in hysterics, absolutely certain that if Jester returned she would be set on fire or banished to another dimension or struck down by her trickster god sugar daddy for losing her pet. The alcohol still in all of their systems probably had something to do with it, but as the hours went on and Sprinkle remained missing, the rest of them started to get caught up in the emotions too.

 

Fass was, of course, very sympathetic to his sister, comforting her about her impending doom and generally being supportive. Nol and Sallo were the exact opposite, making vague remarks to the many different ways Jester and the others could probably kill her, and openly debating which one of them would get Elise’s cool coat that used to belong to Avantika. 

 

Gallan had chugged most of the extra glasses of mead they’d bought before Nol could get her hands on them, and was half drunk again, being absolutely no help. He volunteered to take the heat for Elise, claiming that death would be a sweet release from the shipwreck his life had become. Pun intended.

 

Orly and Marius did their best to rein them in, but silently Marius was worried about what would happen if they didn’t find the weasel. Sure, Jester didn’t look like a person who would randomly kill them over something like that, but she also didn’t look like a person who could summon a giant lollipop to beat them all up out of nothing. 

 

As they neared midnight with no success, Orly hustled them all towards the boat, declaring that they could continue the search in the morning. Thirty minutes later they were, for some inexplicable reason, holding a funeral. Or rather, a pre-funeral.

 

Marius was not sure how it had happened. One moment Orly was doing his best to get them to bed, the next thing he knew Sallo had busted out the whiskey and begun passing it around, declaring a toast in memory of Elise, who was very much still alive and had spent most of the night bawling her eyes out at her failure to keep track of one weasel.

 

And thus, Marius found himself giving a speech in honour of the apparently soon-to-be-deceased Elise. 

 

“First of all, this is dumb.” He said, his arms folded. Elise was lying on the deck, staring up at the sky and seemingly accepting her demise, the rest of them gathered around. Nol had gathered flowers from the island, and she and Sallo seemed to find the entire thing hilarious, passing them out and throwing them over Elise. In the background, Orly had started playing a low, solemn tune on his bagpipes, having given up on wrangling them to bed and seemingly just trying to get this over and done with.

 

“Boo! Give a proper speech!” Gallan heckled, throwing a half-wilted flower at him. 

 

“Alright!” Marius said, scowling. “Elise, you are a good crew member. You are nice and you don’t drink all the alcohol like  _ some people _ -” Here he looked pointedly at Nol and Sallo, both of whom just grinned at him. “-and you are usually not crazy, barring temporary moments of insanity like right now.” 

 

Elise sniffed from her position on the floor, one hand over her chest and the other being held by Fass, who knelt next to her. “Thanks Marius, that means a lot.” 

 

“Elise!” Nol interjected, pumping a hand in the air to get everyone’s attention. “You are hot. I’m sorry we never got the chance to bang before you get murdered.” 

 

“Hey, nothing’s stopping you.” Sallo said.

 

“Do  _ not  _ fuck each other.” Gallan said, scowling. “Fjord fucked Avantika on Darktow and then look what happened! Avantika’s dead!” 

 

“Well, Elise is already gonna die, so she might as well.” 

 

“No. Fucking. Crew. Mates.” Gallan said, jabbing a finger down in the air with every word. “Nothing good ever comes from fucking crewmates.” 

 

“Thanks Nol, but I don’t really want to bang you. I don’t wanna end up like Avantika.” Elise said, still sniffling. 

 

“Can we not discuss… anyone doing that?” Fass piped up, looking queasy.

 

“Yeah, jerks, there’s children present.” Marius said, gesturing towards Fass, who looked quite indignant at being called a child and simultaneously relieved that someone was agreeing with him.

 

Nol shrugged. “Suit yourself. Who’s next?” 

 

“Elise, this has been one of the funniest days of my life. Thank you for your hysterics.” Sallo said, very solemnly. 

 

Gods, they were all going insane. They’d spent too long with the Mighty Nein, and now they were losing it. 

 

Everyone ended up giving a speech, whether it was half-hearted and interrupted by giggles or ridiculously long-winded and solemn. Gallan was ten minutes in on an improvised poem about how good Elise was at tying knots in the ropes when Yasha walked on deck, having left the ship sometime during the evening.

 

“What are you doing?” She asked, looking mildly amused but mostly confused by the entire set up. 

 

“We’re holding a funeral for Elise.” Fass said, only seeming to realise how crazy that sounded as he said it, his face contorting into an odd expression. 

 

“I told you, I don’t think Jester will kill you.” Yasha said, walking up to the circle of mourners and looking down at Elise, who sniffled.

 

“Really?” 

 

“Yes.” Yasha said, before holding up her hands. “Also, I found Sprinkle.”

 

There was a strangled shriek from Elise, who stood up sooner than Marius would have thought to be possible. Sure enough, in Yasha’s hands was the missing weasel, a little dirty but unharmed and content, sleeping soundly. 

 

“I’m gonna live!” Elise said, starting to cry again and hugging her brother so tight he looked like he couldn’t breathe. 

 

“You were never in danger of dying.” Marius deadpanned. He was never letting them have mead again. Maybe someone had slipped drugs into it or something. 

 

“Where’d you find him?” Sallo asked.

 

“I stood at the docks and waited for him to come back.” Yasha said. “I knew he would come back because he is lazy and doesn’t want to hunt for his own food anymore.” 

 

“Well, now this feels kinda stupid.” Gallan said, kicking at some of the flowers on the ground. 

 

“I coulda told you that.” Marius scowled, his eyes twitching. 

 

“I  _ did  _ tell all y’all it would be a go-good idea to go to bed.” Orly said. 

 

“Yeah, but this was more fun.” Nol said, looking completely unapologetic for how ridiculous things had gotten. 

  
Marius sighed. Part of him was wishing the Mighty Nein would return already. At least they could be relied upon to do stupid shit and cause chaos. But the rest of them? They were supposed to be  _ reasonable _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wise words from Gallan: don't fuck crewmmates. 
> 
> Anyway... episode 48... yikes
> 
> Also I'm like 90% sure i wrote this chapter somewhere between midnight and 2am so uhhhhh


	10. What A Great Idea!

The next morning, none of them discussed the events of the previous day. Half of them woke up with obvious hangovers, and the rest were probably still stunned at the whole scenario. Marius banished the entire day to the depths of his memories where he would hopefully never have to relive them. The sooner they forgot about that temporary spat of mutual insanity, the better. 

 

Marius could hardly look at Elise, who spent half the day utterly wrecked by her hangover and the emotional distress. He also subtly avoided Yasha, since he was fairly sure she thought they were all absolutely bonkers. She at least didn’t mention it, or perhaps she thought it wasn’t crazy enough to be worth mentioning. 

 

He couldn’t believe it, but he was really hoping for the Mighty Nein to return soon. At least their craziness was consistent.

 

The repairs were completed halfway through the day, and the dockmaster came knocking to collect payment. Most of the crew promptly made themselves scarce, forcing Gallan and Orly to try and reassure the dockmaster that their captain was  _ definitely  _ going to come by and pay them. Any day now. Eventually. 

 

Where was he now? Why couldn’t he come pay immediately? Oh… he wasn’t one to explain himself. That at least was true. 

 

They managed to get the dockmaster to leave with the promise of eventual payment (and threat of essentially being forced into slavery to pay off the debt if they couldn’t find the money), and that was probably the best they could hope for at the moment. With the ship to themselves again, Marius busied himself by helping Nol make a list of all the supplies they still had, doing his best to forget how fucked they would be if the Mighty Nein didn’t return soon. 

 

The next day was quiet as well, with everyone silently panicking and pointedly ignoring the glares the dockmaster sent their way every time one of them walked past him. They were living on borrowed time, especially as more and more soldiers came to the Bisaft Isles, making the dock very full, very quickly. The dockmaster only had so much patience, and it was running very thin. 

 

In the morning of what marked the seventh day since the Mighty Nein’s disappearance, Marius found himself in the room they’d vanished from. Yasha had guarded the orb well while the repairs had been completed, and the current bane of Marius’ existence sat undisturbed. 

 

Marius was a prideful man. He had gone to great lengths to try and keep himself presentable throughout this whole nightmare. He’d sewn up his shirt as best he could, he’d trimmed his hair where the others let it grow long. Sallo had nearly thrown a fit at that, because  _ apparently  _ cutting your hair while at sea was bad luck, and they didn’t need anymore bad luck on this voyage. They compromised by agreeing that Marius wouldn’t cut his hair, as long as he was allowed to take extra time to comb it and look neat.

 

So yeah, he was quite prideful.

 

But gods if he wasn’t too prideful to beg. 

 

“Pleeeaaasseeee come baccckkkkk.” He wailed, crouching down next to the orb. “If you don’t we’re all fucked.”

 

The orb did not respond, and no Mighty Nein appeared either. 

 

“Pleeeeeeeeeeease,” He repeated, hesitantly poking the orb to no avail. After a few moments of nothing happening, he picked it up, only vaguely certain he wasn’t going to disappear as well. But at this point, he didn’t really care. 

 

“I promise I won’t run away the first chance I get.” He continued. Now that he thought about it, he probably could’ve run away a few dozen times over at this point. There were plenty of ships here, and not all of them were sailing off to war. He could jump aboard, get a simple job as a cook or even a dishwasher. Any of it was bound to be more safe and less terrifying than the daily adventures aboard the Balleater. 

 

“I mean, this is just unfair. I just started not completely hating it here, and then you go and disappear. That’s really rude, you know?” He grumbled, staring at the orb. “And even though you guys all kinda suck - except Caduceus - at least you’re consistently insane. I think with you gone, everyone else is catching the crazy. I don’t wanna go crazy.”

 

He said as he was sitting in a room, talking to a mechanical ball. Perhaps it was too late for him. 

 

Grimacing, Marius put the ball down, running a hand through his hair and taking a step back. Yeah, okay, this was nuts. 

 

He turned around, intending to leave and pretend this had never happened. Leaving the door open behind him, he began walking down the corridor, already regretting having gone there in the first place. 

 

He only made it a few steps before there was a sudden thud and heavy breathing, followed by a very loud, very confused, very familiar voice.

 

“Wh-what the  _ fuck?!”  _

 

Marius didn’t even remember turning around, just bolting back into the room to see Beau standing there, her hands held up as if she had been holding something, her hair frizzy and standing on end. A distinct smell of smoke filled the room, and Marius felt static electricity fill the air as he stood there, his mouth falling open.

 

Then he realised that Beau was  _ there  _ and holy shit she wasn’t dead!

 

“Beau!” He stepped into the room, but Beau was barely paying attention to him, looking down at her hands and then around the room, her eyes falling on the mechanical ball, which still sat there as if nothing had happened. Actually, that wasn’t quite right. The usual teal glow of the ball had shifted to an electric blue, but even as he looked at it, the colour seemed to snap back to teal. 

 

Beau snatched up the ball. “I-holy fuck,no, that wasn’t meant to-” 

 

Hesitating, Marius decided not to get too close. Wherever Beau had been, it had obviously been intense, though she didn’t look too injured. Just spooked. Very spooked. 

 

“Are you alright?” He asked instead, frozen on the spot and uncertain of what to do. “Where are the others?”

 

Beau snapped up to look at him, her eyes wide and widening even further, seeming to realise he was there for the first time. “Marius. Fuck. Oh fuck.” 

 

“What happened? Where have you been?” He took a step closer, completely bewildered. The last time he’d seen Beau anywhere close to like this was after the Darktow incident. Shit, what had  _ happened  _ to her? 

 

Oh gods, what if she was the only one left?

 

“There was a  _ dragon _ .” Beau almost whispered, staring down at the ball in her hands. “Jester was right behind me. Cad, Fjord, they were right behind me. They would’ve seen me…” 

 

Her head whipped around the room frantically, and Marius found himself looking around too, waiting for one of the others to just appear. But they were alone. 

 

Beau’s face tightened and she didn’t say anything else, but the panic was almost palpable as the seconds ticked by and remained alone. Or maybe that was just Marius, because if the others were right behind her, where were they? 

 

Hang on, did she say a  _ dragon?  _

 

“A dragon? Beau, what the shit happened?!”

 

Beau didn’t respond, beginning to pace around the room, her shoulders shaking with every passing second. Oh gods. Marius stumbled backwards, his arms catching on the doorway and leaning out into the corridor. He wasn’t sure where the others were but they needed to get here  _ now _ .

 

“Yasha! Orly! Shit- _ everyone!”  _ He shouted as loud as he could, hoping his voice didn’t sound as panicked as he felt. He heard a few muffled responses but he was already turning back around where Beau was still pacing. She’d dropped the mechanical ball, where it rolled to the side of the room, and she was running her hands through her hair, seemingly halfway to hyperventilation. 

 

Marius stood there, feeling less than useless. He didn’t dare get close, since in Beau’s current state it was likely she’d pummel him if he laid a single finger on her. He could hear pounding footsteps of at least some of the others making their way down there.

 

Yasha ended up being the first to get down there, her eyes widening when she saw Beau pacing in the middle of the room, alone while Marius stood to the side watching her with panicked eyes. 

 

“Beau-” Yasha’s voice was quiet and she took a step forward, her gaze obviously looking for the others. “Where’s-”

 

Yasha hesitated as well as Beau glanced up, freezing at the sight of Yasha. 

 

“I left them.” The words were scared, and that was not something Marius was used to hearing from Beau. “I didn’t mean to leave straight away but the thing-I left them with a dragon.” 

 

Yasha’s face morphed from shock to fear to confusion, and she took a few more steps forward at the same time as Beau took one back. 

 

“They were right behind me and they’re not here. They haven’t come back yet. It’s been too long, they would’ve made it by now unless-” 

 

“Beau, I don’t understand-” 

 

At that very moment there was a light popping sound, followed by a very loud thud. Caduceus popped into existence in one corner of the room, falling to one knee and leaning heavily on his staff, every breath slow and measured. Marius left out a not-so-dignified yelp of shock, and both Yasha and Beau inhaled sharply, swivelling around with fists raised before they realised who it was.

 

Yasha immediately stepped towards Caduceus, who, unlike Beau, was definitely injured. Beau just flinched, freezing in place but her entire body still shaking. 

 

“Deuce-oh my gods-” Beau ran her hands through her hair again, her arms and elbows covering her face from Marius’ view as Yasha offered a hand for Caduceus to stand up. He seemed shaken.

 

“What happened?” Yasha asked again, since neither her nor Marius had any clue beyond dragon, and that was not very reassuring. 

 

“There was a dragon.” Caduceus breathed heavily, holding a hand to his chest but not doing any healing magic as far as Marius could tell. “Caleb and Nott had arrived, I told them to run.”

 

“What took you so long?” Beau asked, her hands now by her side, her panic seeming to subside. “I thought you were right behind me?”

 

Caduceus stared at her blankly. “I was. It can’t… it can’t have been more than twenty seconds before I followed you.” 

 

“It’s been a lot longer than that since Beau popped in here.” Marius said, stammering a little but desperately wanting to know what the  _ fuck  _ was going on. “A few minutes at least.”

 

“I thought you’d all fucking  _ died!  _ You asshole!” Beau’s voice didn’t carry any vitriol, and she leaned against the wall. “Oh my gods.”

 

“You fought a dragon?” Yasha asked, glancing at Marius, who just threw his hands up to show he didn’t know anything more than she did. “How did you find a dragon?”

 

“This fucking ball!” Beau said, stabbing a finger at the mechanical ball. “It transported us to some weirdass library, and then we touched a window and there was a dragon!”

 

There was another popping sound and Fjord suddenly appeared, staggering right into a wall before whipping around, his eyes wild. “Oooooohshitshit-”

 

Marius yelped again, mostly out of surprise more than anything. A few of the other crew members had arrived at the door, and now everyone was talking, simultaneously asking questions, trying to give answers, or just making their voices heard. Throughout it all, Marius could only piece together a few things.

 

The first was, most obviously, the dragon. The Mighty Nein (well, minus Yasha and plus Twiggy) had been fighting a godsdamned dragon. And losing, apparently. There was some ball or something that allowed them to teleport out of there, but based on what Beau and Caduceus had said, even though Caduceus had touched it less than half a minute after Beau, it had taken far longer for him to appear back on the Balleater.

 

Marius didn’t even want to  _ begin  _ trying to figure out how that worked. He was just beginning to feel relieved. They weren’t dead.

 

Well, yet. Not everyone had arrived back. Beau, Fjord and Caduceus began babbling at each other faster than he could keep up, trying to compare what they’d known and what they’d seen at the moments they had left. Marius caught snatches of Fjord and Caduceus talking about Caleb and Nott, and Twiggy disappearing and everyone blinking or going into walls or other weird shit and-

 

“Jester. Where’s Jester?” Fjord asked. “She got out before me, didn’t she?”

 

“No.. I thought she got out before me…” Caduceus said slowly, his eyes widening. 

 

Another pop, and everyone present in the room practically gave themselves whiplash to turn to it, only to see Caleb standing just next to the door, his hands prepared to cast a spell at any moment, before dropping when he realised where he was. 

 

“Where’s Jester?” Beau asked, walking up to Caleb.

 

“Jester? I… I didn’t see Jester anywhere, what do you mean?” Caleb had his hands on his knees, breathing heavily. There were half a dozen curses.

 

Marius found himself shrinking back against the wall. The Mighty Nein hardly seemed to know what was going on themselves, Orly had stepped in to try and sort things out, Yasha was standing there obviously wanting answers, and the other crew members stared wide-eyed from the door, not even daring to step foot in the room. 

 

Pop.

 

Nott appeared, falling to her knees the second she materialised in the room, covered in blood and looking half-dead. 

 

Barely two seconds after that, another pop and Jester was a few feet away, almost just as bloody, tears running down her cheeks. The sigh of relief was almost universal, and Marius stared, dumbfounded as Jester swept Nott into a hug while the rest of the Mighty Nein watched, stunned. 

 

A few moments of relative silence passed, and then Twiggy popped into existence, looking like she’d just been on the most exciting and terrifying trip of her life. 

 

All of them were there. Everyone had returned. There were another precious few seconds of silence, all of them looking around, silently counting them all and realising there was no one who had yet to appear. Then the questions started again. 

 

The entire room was a din of chatter and shouts, all of them trying to figure out what the hell had happened. It soon became clear that everything was far more confusing than they thought. Even beyond the whole  _ dragon  _ thing - which Twiggy claimed to have  _ killed  _ after everyone had left, and there was no fucking way that was true, she was a tiny little gnome girl - the way the Mighty Nein told it, they had only been… wherever they were… for a few hours at most.

 

Gods, this was starting to get worse the Darktow Incident. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this was a bit more dramatic than i'd planned when i first started writing this story


	11. That's A Complete Lie By The Way

It was like the Darktow Incident. 

 

The Mighty Nein, even Yasha, were completely shaken up by whatever had happened while they’d been gone. As per the usual, they either forgot to or didn’t bother explaining it to Marius and the rest of the crew, leaving them to try and figure it out from the snatches of conversations and hushed discussions about it.

 

All Marius had really figured out was that there had been a dragon, and that was probably the most important part. A dragon that Twiggy  _ supposedly  _ killed, but that had to be complete bullshit. Twiggy herself left soon after, casually strolling off the ship after leaving the mechanical death orb with the rest of them, and Marius had half a mind to follow her. At least she seemed to have enough sense to get the hell out of dodge. 

 

But he stayed. Because he was stuck in this mess for the long haul now, and a part of him didn’t really want to quit. Not because he’d gotten attached or anything. Nope.

 

In any case, Marius and the others found themselves more or less walking on eggshells, feeling once again uncertain of themselves. The Mighty Nein were on edge and it infected the rest of them.

 

None of them mentioned what they’d gotten up to while the Mighty Nein had been gone. Nott was very upset there had been no funerals held for them, and Marius silently thanked the Moonweaver that Yasha didn’t mention the one they’d held for Elise. Since Elise hadn’t been missing (or actually dead), he figured Yasha thought that it didn’t count. 

 

It was depressing, in a way. Marius had found himself feeling so relieved when they returned. Partly because it meant they wouldn’t have to worry about paying the dockmaster anymore, partly because it meant his paycheck was safe. But also because he’d missed them. He didn’t want them to get killed — well, not anymore. Two and a half weeks ago would’ve been a different story — and he didn’t want them to be so… well, shaken. 

 

He’d gotten so used to seeing the Mighty Nein blunder through everything that faced them from harpies to pirates, but Avantika and their vanishing misadventure had gotten to them in a way that everything else hadn’t. Honestly, Marius was kind of worried about them.

 

Not that he’d ever admit it, because he didn’t want to get punched or stabbed or set on fire or killed in some other magical, probably gruesome way. But he kept a closer eye on them.

 

Caduceus seemed fine, at least. Or more fine than the others, which was good because it meant his cooking didn’t suffer. Beau also seemed alright now that everyone had returned and it became clear some weirdass time dilation shit had occurred. Everyone else… he had no idea. 

 

They set sail the day after the Mighty Nein returned, and Marius was kind of glad to be back on the water. He’d gotten used to it, and he’d gotten used to working on a ship. Almost everyone’s roles had shifted around a bit since they’d started, with only Orly retaining his original role as navigator. Gallan had gone from a simple carpenter to a first mate to an acting captain (while the Mighty Nein had been with Avantika) to a first mate to an acting captain again (while the Mighty Nein had been missing) and now he was basically a quartermaster or boatswain or both, now that Beau had apparently been branded as first mate.

 

Gallan did not give a shit about losing his title, and Beau seemed thrilled to have it, so everyone was fine with that. Nol kept her role as barrel-keeper, but was finally moved away from inventory keeper, purely to keep her away from the alcohol they had left as much as possible. Marius had actually been reassigned to that particular role, and it was at least one that kept him busy. 

 

Given the tension aboard the ship now, Marius was silently hopeful that things would be calm for a while, or at least a few days. What a mistake that turned out to be. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Hold!” Fjord had to practically scream to be heard over the roaring of the storm, heavy raindrops pelting down on Marius’ head and blinding his eyes, thunder booming in what felt like every three seconds, the air feeling electric and every hair on his body standing on end. His hair covered half of his face, plastered to it like glue, but he had no opportunity to get it out of the way.

 

He held onto the rope that had come undone from its mooring, desperately trying to keep it steady and stop it from flapping away while Nol retied it. Fass stumbled to and from, relaying instructions that were lost to the wind and rain, and picking up anything that fell loose to the deck of the ship. Orly and Fjord were at the helm, trying to steer them straight and away from the heart of the storm. 

 

Most of the others had gone to bed before the storm had hit, and Marius had no way of knowing if they’d come above deck before then. It had just been him, Nol, Fass, Orly, Fjord, Jester and Yasha, all minding their own business and doing their jobs when this monstrosity came out of seemingly nowhere. 

 

He strained, gritting his teeth together as the wind buffeted the sails, the rope twisting and curling and doing it’s best to break free of his grip. He shut his eyes, essentially blinded anyway, focusing on just not letting go. He could hear Nol swear just behind him, her hands slipping in the wet and the boat rocking violently on the waves. 

 

Fjord was shouting, shouting obscenities and orders in equal frequency. It was in times like this that he seemed most like a captain, steering them through their obstacles. There was nothing to fight but nature itself, and nothing to do but survive.

 

“Yasha!” Marius recognised the name purely because it was different to Fjord’s other commands, of do this and go there and don’t let go and  _ hold on _ . 

 

He squinted one eye open, Nol having managed to hold onto the rope and start tying it up properly enough that he could afford to relax just a little. Wiping water out of his eyes with his shoulder in a way that probably just made things worse, he tried to look around for Yasha, to see what she was doing.

 

He saw Yasha soon enough, her pale skin and the white in her hair a stark contrast from the darkness of the storm and nighttime, almost seeming to glow in the low light. 

 

And next to her, hovering at face level to her, was a tiny ball of what seemed like a glowing sphere of pure electrical energy, sparks darting across the surface and stretching outwards, fizzling into nothing before it could get very far. 

 

Marius could barely gather his thoughts enough to even recognise such a thing as strange, his mind and body too hammered by everything else that was going on. 

 

Tiny ball of lightning. Perhaps this was Yasha’s magic. What had Nott and Jester said Yasha could do? Angel of death? 

 

There was a thunderous crack and for a split second Marius’ world was filled with white. He heard himself shriek from surprise, heard Nol swear even louder than usual, both of them stumbling backwards as the ocean hurled the boat forwards.

 

The air suddenly smelled of something Marius had never smelled before, but he could sense it to somehow be the very smell of electricity. Energy seemed to hum in the air, fizzling at his fingertips and touching every nerve in his body.

 

Holy fuck, had the boat just been struck by  _ lightning _ ?

 

Had  _ Yasha  _ just been struck by lightning?

 

He glanced behind him, seeing Nol clutching the back of her head with one arm and trying to steady herself against the side of the boat with another, her face contorted with pain. 

 

Marius reached a hand out to her, giving her something else to hold on to, the rope thankfully having been secured enough before the lightning strike that he could risk letting go of it for a few seconds. They held onto the side of the boat together, sea spray splattering at their backs and salt burning in their noses.

 

Looking around frantically to see where the lightning had hit, Marius saw a glint of light catching his eyes, reflecting off the shining metal of Yasha’s greatsword, sparks of energy flashing around it. Marius found himself staring, his eyes stinging from the saltwater and his vision blurry, but somehow Yasha and her sword seemed clear, and he’d never seen it this close.

  
Well, there had been that time at the docks in Nicodranas. But he had been too terrified for his own life to pay attention. Now he somehow found the strength to just hold on and watch. Yasha was like a beacon in the darkness, an electricity in her eyes that he could see from here, her limbs a blur as she moved, seeming almost unencumbered by the chaos around her.

 

The ball of lightning still hovered and Marius watched as Yasha swung her greatsword towards it, any sounds she might’ve been making completely drowned out by the wind around them. 

 

She was fighting it? Marius’ brain froze, trying to make sense of what he was seeing, but then the ship was rocked by another wave, throwing both him and Nol forwards.

 

He hit the deck with a thud, his head throbbing with a dull, faint pain from the impact. Then there was no time to worry about what Yasha was doing anymore, because Fjord was shouting at them both to get up and help stop the damn ship from sinking. 

 

He only caught flashes was what was happening around him. 

 

Lightning struck again, and again, and again, brightening up the world as if it were daylight for a fraction of a second before plunging them back into darkness.

 

The thunder never seemed to leave, the entire storm almost feeling like it was focused on pummeling them, beating them with rain and wind and the pure fury of the gods until they were nothing but wreckage and bones at the bottom of the ocean.

 

Marius’ brain switched into survival mode, trying ropes and grabbing Fass before he could be flung overboard, racing back and forth as Fjord commanded them. It felt like an age before the rain seemed to lessen, before the wind began to die down.

 

By the time it did, and by the time Marius’ heart stopped beating a million miles a minute, whatever Yasha had been doing was over. She stood in the middle of the deck, her shoulders heaving and her greatsword resting in one hand by her side, Jester standing next to her with an indescribable look on her face. Eventually both of them went below, Fjord went below and Beau was sent up, having somehow slept through everything that had happened. 

 

Marius and the others who had been working during the storm were also allowed to go to bed, waking up those who had been asleep if they weren’t already awake and sending them up to take their places. 

 

Marius was always happy when his work was done for the day, but his bed had never seemed so enticing. Still, he didn’t go to sleep straight away, taking his mostly-mended shirt off and squeezing the water out of it, throwing it over a rope to dry and changing into other clothes, not bothering to be as careful with his pants. 

 

He shared his quarters with all the other boys of the Normal Seven except Orly, who got to pick and choose his quarters because of some deal he’d made with the Mighty Nein back when he’d first been hired. Marius didn’t mind, he’d long gotten used to Gallan’s snoring and Fass constantly turning over in his bed. 

 

Fass flopped down onto his bed as soon as he walked on, not taking off anything.

 

“Your bed is gonna be completely soaked.” Marius said, finding it difficult to imagine anything worse than sleeping in a wet, soggy bed on a pirate ship in the middle of the ocean. 

 

A muffled groaning sound that may have been words came from Fass’ bed, and the boy slowly turned his head like the tiniest of movements were painful, blinking blearily at him. “Don’ care.”

 

“You will when you wake up and you stink of dampness.” Marius said. “Then you’ll just be miserable and probably sick.”

 

“Aw, you care so much.” Fass smirked, his exhaustion seeming to ease his usual nerves and hesitation. Maybe it just made him a little shit, like most seventeen-year-olds.

 

“I just don’t want to deal with you being sick.” Marius grumbled. “Then I’ll have to do some of your work.” 

 

“Nah, you care about us.” Fass continued. 

 

Marius sputtered, wiping his hair out of his face and bunching it up, squeezing the excess water out of it. So much effort to keep his hair neat and now it would take him far too long to get it back to normal tomorrow. “I care about you because you are necessary to keep this boat running.”

 

“Nahhhhh, we’re friends, aren’t we?” Marius silently wondered if Fass had been struck by lightning at some point. Maybe he’d hit his head. Perhaps Caduceus would be able to do something about that.

 

He sighed, his eyelids beginning to feel heavy, the adrenaline from fighting the storm ebbing away. 

 

“Yeah, fine, we’re friends, whatever.” He said. “Go to sleep, Fass.” 

 

“Do you think the Mighty Nein are friends with us? I mean, we work for them, but after all we’ve been through… you’d think we’d be friends.”

 

Now Marius scoffed. “We are definitely  _ not  _ friends with them. Friendly crewmates at best, and that really only applies to Caduceus. And maybe Jester and Yasha a bit. And Caleb, I guess, and Nott… and the others a little… but that’s it.” 

 

Fass hmm’ed to himself, rolling over onto his back, his eyes closed. He was quiet for long enough that Marius almost believed he’d actually fallen asleep, but then he spoke up again. 

 

“I wonder what happened to Yasha.” He said. “She seemed kinda upset after the storm, but I thought she liked storms. Ya know, cause she follows the Stormlord and everything.”

 

“I’m pretty sure she got struck by lightning like five times.” Marius said, sitting down on his cot, his entire body sagging from exhaustion. “I’d be pretty upset if I was her.”

 

“Yeah… They’ve all seemed pretty upset recently.” Fass continued, his words a little slurred and slower than usual. 

 

Marius just looked at Fass for a while. “Well, they’ve had a pretty shit time. So have we, incase you forgot.”

 

“Yeeeeeeah…” Fass’ voice trailed off. “I just feel kinda bad for them. They’ve got really bad luck, and we can hardly do anything to help them out.”

 

Marius bit the inside of his cheek, somehow finding himself actually considering what Fass was saying instead of letting the words flow in one ear and out the other like he usually would. He’d spent far too much time feeling sorry for the Mighty Nein already. He’d actually  _ missed  _ them for a while. 

 

Gods, was this trip actually making him care about them? About other people in general? He’d gotten far too used to having to avoid getting attached to people on principle, since they would probably turn out to be criminals or worse. The Mighty Nein were  _ definitely  _ criminals, yet here he was. 

 

When Marius finally responded, his voice was soft, almost defeated. “We’re helping them out by keeping this ship afloat. Just… go to sleep, Fass.”

 

Fass blinked at him, his eyes already narrow but nothing more than slits right now, before he finally mumbled something Marius couldn’t even begin to decipher, rolling over and finally seeming to go to sleep. 

 

Marius still still for a few more minutes, listening as Fass’ breathing evened out, before he laid down on his cot, the thin mattress and sheets feeling far softer and more comfortable than they really had any right to be. 

 

He listened to the creaking of the ship for a while, the echoing of footsteps from the top of the ship, all the tiny sounds that had slowly become background noise with every passing day. 

 

The Mighty Nein didn’t need their help. They didn’t need his help. They were doing just fine blundering through life, escaping by the skin of their teeth and going back for more with seemingly no self-awareness or common sense. 

 

If it hadn’t been for him, and Gallan and Orly and the rest of the crew, they would’ve been dead in the water or worse long ago. They could’ve been arrested in Nicodranas, they might’ve never made it out of Darktow with a damaged ship. Hell, if Marius and the others had decided to just abandon the Balleater at the Bisaft Isles without stalling about payment for the repairs, who knows what would’ve happened when the Nein popped back in from their dragon adventure.

 

Why had he stayed? Why had he helped them?

 

Marius stared up at the ceiling, his stomach sinking at a sad revelation.

 

Damnit, he  _ had  _ gotten attached to these assholes. Beyond just getting used to their weirdness or wanting a paycheck from them. Even beyond just wanting them to not die. 

 

He actually liked them. All of them.

 

They were all still strange and quirky and slightly (or very, depending on the person) terrifying, but now he was finding it… almost endearing? 

 

Fuck. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme tell ya when I started this story I did NOT think I would end up having character development. 
> 
> Also oops this chapter is half a day late but I lowkey forgot about it oops. 
> 
> Anyway. Episode 49 amiright?????


	12. It's A Terrible Idea, Just One Of Many

Thankfully nothing happened to them after the lightning incident, as they sailed towards some islands for who knows why. Fjord got them to stop and the whole Mighty Nein were gathered above deck, seemingly debating whether or not to go underwater.

 

Perhaps they were looking for more ghosts. In any case, Marius knew by now that it was easier for everyone if he didn’t get involved. So he didn’t, watching as the debate went back and forth, more than a few glares and pointed remarks directed at others in the group before all seven of them finally dove beneath the water. 

 

Marius leant over the side of the boat once they dived, watching them sink beneath the waters until he couldn’t see them anymore. At least there would be no dragon under there. Probably. He quickly knocked on wood and sent a silent prayer up to the gods for the Nein to not die or encounter another dragon.

 

The crew all bustled about their business for a while, but with the ship pulled to a stop, soon there wasn’t all that much to do. So they returned to their favourite pastime, making fun of the Mighty Nein and bet on what kind of ridiculousness they’ll get up to while they’re gone. Now that they weren’t MIA, they all felt comfortable to do it again. 

 

“Alright, look, those islands are definitely volcanic.” Sallo was saying, pointing at some of the islands surrounding them. “You know what that means? A volcano.”

 

“What’s your point?” Gallan asked, one eyebrow raised.

 

“My  _ point  _ is that if the Nein don’t somehow set off a volcano, I will eat my bandana.” Sallo said. “This is too much opportunity. There’s no fucking way they won’t make a volcano explode.” 

 

“I would love to see you eat your bandana.” Marius said, though he didn’t discredit the possibility of a volcano exploding. Anything could happen with the Mighty Nein. 

 

“Pft, volcano is small beans.” Nol said, throwing her head back and laughing. “Think outside the box you cowards. I think they’ll set off a tsunami.”

 

“I bet they’ll set the boat on fire again.” Gallan said. “Somehow.” 

 

“Would we be able to outrun a volcano?” Fass asked, eyes wide. He had Sprinkle in his lap, the weasel snoozing happily. They figured that at long as the weasel was happy, everything would be fine. “Or a tsunami?”

 

Gallan and Orly both made vague, noncommittal sounds, waving their hands in a ‘so-so’ gesture that probably meant ‘who knows’ and was not very reassuring. 

 

“Death by volcano or tsunami. That would be a way to go.” Marius said, stretching his arms behind his head.

 

“Almost as good as death by dragon.”

 

“Or death by pirates.”

 

“Or death by harpies.” 

 

“Or death by being executed because I stabbed our captain while he slept.” 

 

Everyone turned to Gallan, unsure if he was actually being serious. He just blinked, his face completely stoic, gaze staring off at the horizon. Eventually his eyes flickered around at them all, and he shrugged his shoulders.

 

“I’m not gonna do that. I mean… I thought about it a while ago…but I won’t do it now.” 

 

“Fair enough.” Marius said. “They did nearly kill you with an axe.” 

 

“Gods, that feels like an eternity ago.” Gallan said, running a hand over his scar and sighing. “It’ll be a great story if we ever get back home.” 

 

“No one will ever b-believe us.” Orly said slowly, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t believe us…” 

 

“Gods, you’re right.” Marius said, a sinking feeling burying in his chest. “Everyone will think we’re liars if we talk about any of this shit.” 

 

“They’ll probably believe like, some of it, but all of it together?” Sallo shook his head, sighing. 

 

“Sometimes I still can’t believe all of this happened.” Elise said. “And I’ve been here the whole time. It’s just… it’s crazy.” 

 

Nol scoffed from where she stood, leaning against the side of the ship. “I’m still not entirely convinced this isn’t a hallucination.” 

 

They continued to chat for a while, eventually growing bored with simple conversations and switching to something more entertaining, as things tended to do while they had nothing to do but sit around and wait for their mysterious bosses to either return from their underwater adventure, or set off a volcano or whatever for them all to flail about and run from.

 

“If you had to pick one of us to kill, who would it be?” Sallo asked Elise, his eyes alight with mischief. 

 

Elise made an odd squeaking sound, having definitely not anticipated this kind of questioning at all. “Kill? I don’t want to kill any of you!”

 

Sallo rolled his eyes. “That’s besides the point. If you  _ had  _ to kill one of us, who would it be? Obviously you don’t have to actually do it.” 

 

“Uh…” Elise grimaced, averting her gaze to the ground and thinking for a few moments. “I don’t know. You, I guess?”

 

Marius snorted as Sallo’s expression shifted from amused to taken aback. “You walked right into that one, dude.”

 

Elise folded her arms, pouting. “Only because he asked me the question!” 

 

“Don’t worry, Elise. I’d kill him too.” Nol said, smirking and patting a hand on Sallo’s shoulder, who brushed it off roughly. 

 

“I’d kill Nol.” Marius said playfully, sticking his tongue out at Nol. “It’s what you deserve for constantly trying to steal the whisky.” 

 

Sallo recovered his grin, laughing heartily as Nol cursed Marius out for betrayal, among other crimes. 

 

“W-what are we discussing now?” Orly lumbered up to them, his tattoos shining in the sunlight and one eyebrow raised suspiciously. Gallan walked behind him, the two of them having been off discussing various important ship-running and navigation things. 

 

“Which one of us we’d kill if we had to.” Fass said, sounding remarkably innocent as he said it. 

 

“Nol.” Gallan said immediately, returning the middle finger that Nol sent his way without even looking in her direction. 

 

“Ah. I-I see.” Orly said, stroking his chin and carefully setting himself down in the loose circle they were arranged in, Fass and Marius scooting around to make room. Gallan sat down as well, slotting himself in between Sallo and Nol, which was probably for the best. “If I was forced to kill one of us... “

 

“Don’t say you’d pick yourself cause that’s a copout.” Nol called out, cupping her hands around her mouth. 

 

“Awww, that’d be sweet.” Fass said.

 

“I-I would most certainly not pick myself. I do enjoy bein alive.” Orly said bluntly.

 

“Awwww?” Fass squeaked, now looking slightly concerned. Marius just snickered, and there was a gleam in Orly’s eyes that suggested he wasn’t taking this seriously at all, and whatever he said may or may not be the truth.

 

“I think I’d choose M-Marius. Not for personal reasons… you’re just the worst sailor.” Orly said, clapping Marius on the back to reassure him there were no hard feelings.

 

“I’m getting better!”

 

“There’s a s-specific reason I put you down to do inventory.” Orly said vaguely. “Worst you can do there is mis-miscount stock.”

 

Marius sputtered for a few moments while the others snickered. 

 

Elise cleared her throat, catching everyone’s attention. “What about the Mighty Nein? If you had to kill one of them, who would-” 

 

“Fjord.”

 

“Definitely Fjord.”

 

“Fjord. He’s the worst captain.”

 

“I feel kinda bad for him he sucks at being a captain so much.” 

 

“I think Nott stole all the buttons off my shirt.”

 

“Well, Beau ripped my shirt completely so…” 

 

Elise blinked, probably not having expected the answers to come so quickly. But then again, they’d had a long time to sort out which one of the Mighty Nein they disliked the most. 

 

“Now…” Orly, ever the mediator, was the only one who hadn’t weighed in. “Fjord’s doing his best.”

 

“Yeah, and his best sucks. He’s the reason we went through the whole Darktow mess.” Sallo said, frowning. 

 

“That was a while ago, though.” Fass smiled awkwardly. “I think Fjord’s pretty fun now.”

 

“That questions too predictable anyway, we spent half our time on this ship wanting to kill those guys before they got us killed.” Nol pursed her lips, twirling some loose hair around a finger and thinking. “What’s another one?”

 

Fass brightened up. “What about if you had to  _ marry  _ one of the Mighty Nein?”

 

Once again, everyone (even Orly this time) answered in a second.

 

“Cad.”

 

“Caduceus.”

 

“Gods, Caduceus.”

 

“Caduceus, definitely.”

 

“Caduceus’ cooking.”

 

“Duceus. Just imagine being hugged by that.”

 

“Yeah, that’s fair.” Fass said, furrowing his eyebrows a little bit. “I’d pick Caduceus too.” 

 

“Okay,” Marius interjected. “If you had to pick someone  _ besides  _ Caduceus.” He grinned, looking down everyone. Now that was a question that had to make them think. 

 

Nol was the first one to answer. Marius wouldn’t be surprised if she’d thought about it before. “Yasha. She’s hot  _ and  _ strong enough to kill and I saw her pet Frumpkin once while he was an octopus so you know she’s totally sweet too.” 

 

There were a few general nods of agreement.

 

“I’d pick Jester!” Fass said. “She’s really nice and funny.” 

 

“Well  _ I  _ pick Fjord, even though all of you want to kill him.” Elise folded her arms, daring them all to say anything about it. 

 

“We don’t want to kill him,” Sallo rolled his eyes dramatically. “It’s just, if we  _ had  _ to pick someone…” 

 

“Whatever. I think he’s a good captain, and he’s very handsome.” 

 

“I-I think all of em are far too young for me.” Orly shook his head lightly.

 

“I think all of em are sucky marriage material.” Sallo said. “Too much magic and issues.”

 

“It’s hypotheticaaaaal Salloooooo,” Nol drawled, leaning forwards past Gallan so she could see Sallo better. “Orly gets out of it cause he’s old but you gotta pick someoneeeee.”

 

Orly huffed, muttering how he wasn’t old, but experienced, a statement that made all of the crew members under the age of 25 roll their eyes. 

 

“Fine then. I pick…” Sallo thought carefully. “Gods, this is impossible. I pick Caduceus again.” 

 

Nol groaned, but before she could complain about Sallo ruining the sanctity of the hypothetical questioning, Gallan spoke up. 

 

“I pick Fjord because he’s the one who’s supposed to pay me.” 

 

“Didn’t you vote to kill him?” Marius asked, one eyebrow raised.

 

“I do that after I get all the money.” Gallan said, sounding one hundred percent serious. He managed to hold the look for a solid ten seconds before he cracked a smile. Prompting them all to fall into giggles and snickers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow only one chapter left, yeet. Anyway next chapter we get to see Sallo eating his bandana and nothing else (no we don't thats a lie)


	13. But Damn If It Wasn't Kinda Entertaining

They were alerted of the Mighty Nein’s imminent arrival in a typically Mighty Nein way, with a huge-ass geyser of water spurting out in the air, flinging rocks and debris all over. It was far enough away that the Balleater wasn’t in any immediate danger, but close enough that all of them could see it very well, and they all ‘ooh’ed and ‘aah’ed accordingly, looking around to make sure there was no volcano or tsunami that was going to accompany it. 

 

There wasn’t, at least as far as they could tell, so they promptly all went to different sides of the ship to keep an eye out for the Mighty Nein. 

 

After they were hauled up onto the boat, looking relatively pleased with themselves, they began discussing what to do next, along with Orly. Marius hung around and eavesdropped while trying to appear like he wasn’t eavesdropping, but the Mighty Nein rarely noticed him to begin with so it wasn’t exactly difficult. 

 

For once, the conversation was something that didn’t make him fear for his life. 

 

“I think we’re going home!” He scurried over to where Elise and Gallan were manning the helm, since the others had all scattered to their own jobs once the Mighty Nein had returned. “Back to Nicodranas!”

 

“Really?” Elise’s eyes widened, one hand flying to her mouth and letting going of the wheel. 

 

“You’re joking.” Gallan folded his arms, one eyebrow raised. There was a pause. “We’re going home?”

 

“Yes!”

 

For a moment Gallan just stared at him, before the corner of his mouth quirked up into a smile. 

 

“I can’t believe we survived.” Marius chuckled, glancing over his shoulder to see Orly coming their way with the map. Behind him, the rest of the Mighty Nein were congratulating themselves, all looking quite a bit happier than they had when they’d gone down into the ocean. Perhaps they were just as eager to end this misadventure as he was. 

 

“Oh, there’s plenty of time for terrible things to happen.” Gallan warned, his smile dropping a bit before returning, hopeful.

 

“Ship! Ship ho!” Fass’ voice called out from the crow’s nest, drawing everyone’s attention. 

 

“Godsdamnit.” Gallan sighed, facepalming. 

 

Everyone scrambled to their places, wary of a potential pirate and gearing up for a battle. They’d gone through far too much to not be paranoid at this point. As the ship began to pursue them, seeming more and more like someone out to attack than a regular innocent passer-by, their paranoia felt justified.

 

Most of the regular crew didn’t have any weapons of their own, but with the Mighty Nein around, they probably didn’t need any. Nott was sent down to the cannons with a gleam in her eyes, dragging Nol, Elise, Sallo and Marius with her. 

 

They prepped as many of the cannons as they could with just the five of them, until their work was interrupted by a hideous smashing sound. 

 

Marius rushed to the port hold of one of the cannons to see the ship that had been pursuing them smashed on the rocks, the crew scattered in the water, some bodies laying still in the surf. 

 

“Holy shit.” He said, as the others crowded around to see.

 

“That was easy.” Sallo muttered.

 

“Aw man…” Nott scowled, looking very disappointed that she hadn’t been able to set off the cannons. 

 

They all trudged up above deck to see the others lowering rope bridges for the surviving crew of the downed ship.The Mighty Nein took the lead in finding out who they were and what they were doing, while Marius and the others crowded around, arms folded and watching with a wary eye. 

 

They seemed pretty average, and Marius was surprised to find that he didn’t feel intimidated by them. This whole trip really had ruined his sense of self-preservation, hadn’t it. 

 

He listened as the Mighty Nein told the wrecked crew the name of the ship that had taken it down, snickering as the sailor’s faces utterly plummeted at the name ‘The Balleater’.

 

“Yes, it’s true. You’ve been defeated by The Balleater.” Nol apparently couldn’t resist taunting them, fully aware that they wouldn’t try anything. “How does it feel?”

 

A few of the pirates that were within earshot glared at her, and she just smirked back at them. 

 

“Feels like shit.” One of them muttered, unfortunately just loud enough for Marius and the others to hear.

 

“Ya know, we didn’t even have this ship until like, a couple weeks ago.” Nol continued. “We’ve only been pirates for what… a month? Month and a bit?”

 

Marius made a vague gesture with his hand, happy to assist Nol in her antics. “Maybe a month and a week. I’ve never even sailed before then.” He flashed the biggest grin he could muster, and somewhere next to him he heard Sallo and Elise snicker. 

 

“You’ve got to be joking.” One of the pirates spoke through gritted teeth, staring them down with as much venom as he could muster. 

 

“Oh no. In fact, most of those guys…” He pointed towards the Mighty Nein. “They aren’t sailors either. Fifty percent of the crew in this ship are complete amateurs.” 

 

“What’s the deal with the magic then?” One of the other pirates hissed. 

 

“Impressive, isn’t it?” Nol said. 

 

“We have no idea what’s going on with them.” Elise said, a giddy grin on her face. “We’ve got some theories though.”

 

“You don’t even know who your leaders are?” 

 

“Well, our captain summoned a demon.” Elise said, her face the picture of childlike innocence. “We don’t really ask that many questions.”

 

The pirates’ faces twisted into various expressions of incredulity and horror. “Gods, they’re fucking insane.”

 

“Hey, they’re trying their best.” Marius folded his arms, shaking his head lightly. 

 

To think, only a month ago he’d wanted nothing more than to be rid of the Mighty Nein forever. Now he was defending them. He even  _ meant  _ it, though in a slightly joking manner. Funny how times change. 

 

Soon enough the shipwrecked crew were gone, leaping off the side of the boat, seeming eager to get as far away from them as possible. Marius and the others could barely hold in their glee, high-fiving each other over a successful, quick and non-traumatic pirate encounter. For them. 

 

The rest of that day, everyone was happier than Marius could remember them being in a while. They were going  _ home _ . Finally. 

 

They didn’t celebrate  _ too  _ quickly, wary that a hundred million things could happen. But the skies were clear and the gods seemed content to let them travel, and soon the land of the Menagerie Coast was in sight. As a few days passed and they got closer and closer to the end… a bittersweet feeling tugged at Marius’ heart.

 

He could hardly believe it. He’d actually survived. It seemed almost impossible, but somehow Marius LePual was still alive after over a month at sea surrounded by the craziest people he’d ever met in his life. A small part of him almost wished it wouldn’t end. A very small part, one that had been infected by whatever insanity that drove the Mighty Nein to do all the things they did with little hesitation, but it was there. 

 

But when they finally pulled into port, he couldn’t deny that he was relieved to be back home. The rest of the crew all gathered on deck, leaning against the sides of the ship and just staring as the familiar buildings came into view, the streets of their hometown rising to greet them. 

 

“I can’t believe it.” Gallan’s voice was quiet, his eyes watering.

 

“Dude, are you  _ crying?”  _ Nol’s lips quirked into a disbelieving grin. 

 

“Fuck off Nol.” Gallan wiped at his eyes, and everyone snickered. 

 

“I’m honestly shocked no one’s dead.” Sallo muttered. “I’ve had my will written up for weeks.” 

 

“I knew we’d all be okay!” Elise announced, one arm around Fass’ shoulder, a bright smile on her face that had been there for hours. 

 

The others all glanced at her, eyebrows raised.

 

“Really? You were completely sure we’d all be fine?” Sallo deadpanned.

 

Elise’s eyebrow twitched, as Orly lowly hummed the tune he’d been playing during her fake funeral in the background, a mischievous grin in his eye.

 

“Okay I was totally terrified for most of it.” She admitted. “Buttttt eventually I knew we’d all be fine!” 

 

They watched the wharfmaster approach the boat, the Mighty Nein and Orly going down to meet him, since Orly was going to be the new captain of the Balleater once the Mighty Nein was gone. Everyone else ducked downstairs, gathering up all of the possessions they’d managed to keep a hold of throughout the entire adventure. 

 

By the time they got back up, the Mighty Nein was waving goodbye to Orly, once again probably forgetting the rest of them existed.

 

Ah, good times. 

 

Marius called out to them as they left anyways, before all of them glanced down to Orly, who was now wearing a captains hat and looking very pleased with himself. 

 

“Woah, hold on!” Sallo shouted. “Did we get paid?”

 

“D-don’t worry.” Orly walked back onto deck, waving a large pouch that jangled with coin. “Ah got our p-payment here.”

 

Sallo visibly relaxed, nodding. “Thank gods. Otherwise I woulda had to chase them down.”

 

There were muttered agreements as the payment was distributed among them all, including Marius and Gallan. After that, they all glanced among one another, just waiting for… something.

 

They’d been through so much together, joined by the misfortune to end up on a ship captained by the Mighty Nein, and kept together through their mutual disbelief at everything that happened after. A month and a bit felt like such an eternity, but almost nothing at the same time. It was impossible to describe the experience they’d had. 

 

It was Orly who eventually spoke up. 

 

“Now… as the new acting Cap’n of the Balleater,” He smirked as he said the name, and all of them grinned. “It’s up to me to hire it’s crew.” 

 

He looked pointedly at them all, before continuing. 

 

“Ah’m sure you’ll all want to visit home. But… if you’re lookin for another adventure, perhaps with l-less chaos… you’ve all got a place on this ship.” Orly finished by tipping his hat to them all.

 

“Awww.” Elise said, still with one arm around her brother’s shoulder, eyes welling up. “That’s so sweet!” 

 

“Thanks, but I’m going to take a break from sailing for at least… let’s say a decade.” Gallan folded his arms, but there was a wistful smile on his face. 

 

“We’ll still be here after that.” Orly said, smiling wryly. Gallan snorted lightly.

 

“In that case, you’ll be the first ones I look for.” 

 

“It would be nice to have a trip with less magic and pirates.” Nol mused, shaking her empty flask a little. “Fuck it. If you’re still here in a week, I’m in.”

 

“I wouldn’t mind coming back.” Fass said. “I even wouldn’t mind seeing the Mighty Nein again at some point.”

 

“I’ll do it!” Elise said. “It’ll be so much fun!”

 

Sallo chuckled. “Why the hell not. I’m sure regular sailing won’t be  _ nearly  _ as fun anymore.” 

 

Marius found himself grinning. “Well, if you guys don’t mind having a non-sailor aboard…” 

 

Gallan threw his arms around Marius’ shoulder, barking out a laugh. “LaPol, you’re as much of a sailor as any of us by now!”

 

His grin widening, Marius didn’t even bother correcting Gallan on his name. The others all snickered, a few giving their best approximations on Marius’ name. At this point, he was pretty sure mispronouncing it was part of the fun. 

 

One by one, all of them left the ship, drifting apart to their own corners of town, back to their homes with vague promises of meeting back up in a week. Marius found the dingy little apartment he called home right as he’d left it if a lot dustier. It felt so much smaller than it had before. Perhaps that was something else this entire trip had done.    
  


It had been terrifying, it had been horrific, it had been insane. But it had been like a whole new world. For nearly a month and a half, Marius felt like he was a part of something bigger. Something exciting. Something that made the gods themselves sit up and take notice. 

 

A part of him wanted to chase that feeling again. Perhaps that was why he’d agreed to go back in a week, enough time to rest and recover and reassure anyone who might’ve missed him that he hadn’t died. It might be a long time before the Mighty Nein returned to Nicodranas, before they crossed his path again, but until then, there was still the Balleater. There was Orly and the others. 

 

Perhaps eventually they’d have the chance to be a part of something great again. He was looking forward to it. This wasn’t what he’d signed up for when he’d agreed to try and find that strange orb, but he was glad it had happened. 

 

He was also very glad that he’d lived to see the end of it. And that he’d gotten paid. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Crew like 6 chapters ago: if i could kill every member of the mighty nein i would  
> The Crew now: come back soon u funky band of criminals 
> 
> Anyway this fic has been a trip LMAO thanks everyone for supporting me ;) 
> 
> And thanks Matthew Mercer for not killing these guys or giving them names or telling us how many crew members there are or making my life difficult in any way regarding this fic u the real MVP

**Author's Note:**

> What's up. Hope you enjoy this tale of seven normal people who were not prepared for the Mighty Nein to be their bosses.


End file.
